in love with someone

In love with someone

In love with someone you shouldn’t fall in love with?

Don’t worry

We are here

Chaztastic

Enchazting

Chazinating

Cheese

Chezmador

Chandler

Chandelier

Chazedelic

Chaz- like chucky chaz

Shall I stop here

Chati- means why in greek

Chachachaz

De dance

Cha

I ll be here until tomoro

Chao

Chaaoo

I a ly

Chazrethika

Chanatrixiasa

Chacha cha

Lacoocaracha

Channy

Sunny

Cha I ll be there till tomoro

Cha after that leave me alone

Chachacha

I love this song

Chacha cha

Chahachhhahaaa

Chacinating

Chhaa

Chabirdie

Channy got to go out

Go go baby it s channy

2 1 14!!!!!!!!!!!

2014

It contains you and contains itself

It contains me

It s a sight from god

Chazlord

#tomoro

x

i want it

I can honestly say that I want some heroin

I want it

I don’t need it

Which is good

May as well

I wont take it

I wont even try to get hold of it

But it s good to know

Good to say I ve reached that point of desperation

It s a good thing

I ve been desparate for too long

Without a studio

Without a meaning in life

No place to work

Nothing to call work

Nothing to call back to

Benefits England

I m crying and I m looking out the window

I feel desparately happy

In a nice way

But desparately

Is written allover it

Is like a call for life

Is like love

Luv

Tasting my own tears

Of dismay and desperation

I felt really guilty today with xxx

It broke me

I couldn’t do it

He doesn’t want to

Fair enough

He gets me

In a way

In a way he s reading my mind

It can t be happening

This relationship

I suppose

Like a confidant

It s just not working

But sex wasn’t working

Believe it or not

And as we ve established

I m not assertive enough to treat people on sex

And I need someone ready

Readily defined

To know what to do

I can t tell u what to do

But I can say

Do a tenth of what u r doing

I nearly got out of bad sex accidents

And I m happily out

Out in it

Out of it

In the bliss of blissful lovemaking

With ian

I mean why be ungreatful

Sex is all u got

With xxx I don’t know why but it couldn’t work

It couldn t work

Too many control issues

He bites his finger nails

He can fuck off

He doesn’t get it

It s fine

I mean

I ll chill out a bit in the whole friendship thing I suppose

I suppose

I can live with xxx

I could live with xxx

He s too nice

He s got nice friends

He could live here with them

I could live with two boys

Yesh

It would be great

But with the music

Yes that could be a problem

I feel much better

I feel the worse is gone

Or yet to come

Duno#

Imagine

If I did take heroin

I would have moments like these

I will google the whole hyper sensitive thing

And I ll get back to you all right

X love u lots

Ready to go

X

29 11 14

copied from notebook fringe again and again

Right let s write some more;

I m here at abella street

In edinhrah

Who by the way is treating me well

If I was to have a mental health crisis I would well

Have it here

It s soothing

It s serene

Haven’t heard the sound of sirens in ages

3 days

Feels good

The day before I left for edibhrah

The day of that nite

It took up pretty much all day to get from a to be and then back again

It really was a test

I don t want to exaggerate but it was annoying

And then I missed xxx s bday party

I wonder if anything was worthit

I laughed last nite

I had to

I also danced

A bit

The we left to find a guy

Problem is was I m broke

And tired

Not tired atm as I slept

And mastrubated

During the afternoon

]and this ladies and gentlemen

Is whats comin

Hey

Im the first instance ie appropriation if he contacts me

And when

Hey

I was in edinbrah interviewing gods

In the end I didn’t

Then went to somerset to my friends wedding

And then went to Greece

Where the hell have you been

That s it

I was thinking of you and your next etc

Or maybe you are in my list

Tho she said

Don’t panic when I asked

If they r closing soon

She doesn’t know

That was my last third quid

Does anywone -live this thing

Called life- differently

When they r broke

I don’t think it’s the brokenness

U don’t (?!) Y not??

Well hurry the fuck up!!

Have a child as well if that s what you want to do…

Cos lets see now people

So then it s like

Are you open or closed

Or what

Tell us woman don’t do keep us hanging

It s about like hm cant decide

Better letters

What happenen

Are they leaving they r staying

Then u forgiven

Does he love me

He doesn’t give a shit

We ve been through that

Do not throw the bone so far tho

Hahaha

copied from notebook

I understand you

&I forgive you

Already.

We are all programmed;

You are programmed to run away

And we are programmed to try to keep you

It s okay, my little animal;

I also must forgive myself in this situation;

Swallow hard;

That s a whole new chapter;

millionaires shortbread

There are good working conditions

Detectives

What is this oh no

I m glad she asked are u going to the theatre

No

I m just sitting here having a millionaires shortbread

Not short to a millionaires shortrbearead

I cant say it I ll check

Nothing short of a milliojskjfjofij

Got it

Why did I go crazy about xxx

Was it the money

What it was the whole hypocricy thing

That she was in my terms better than me of course

What was it

She would not crack she had this tough Chinese thing

She wasn’t helping at all though was she

I mean

There has to be a line

And the retard showing her his texts

And writing about her

It really was a game I was invited to participate in or it couldn’t have happened without me

And I voted with my feet

I withdrew myself

Now u can fuck off I m not playing your game

U outgamed me

U won

Or something

Or was it or was it all in my head

I knew very well I am indeed Sylvia plath

I mean I really am

The truth comes to me as she said

Thing is also I mean I don’t know what to say about any of this

Lets say lets say this is now inoffencive

Innofencinve

Defencive

Innovative

What am I spelling wrong

And what did  do wrong with the whales guy I mean come on

Lets see

Lets take it for granded it ll be fine I m telling you

It was meant to die but like this

Like how

I gave him lots of shit I don’t know what he wanted and why is it all too fresh

I haven’t had the chance to move on

Lets see

My bday

Till dec last year

So march to march and then april may june july august sept oct nov dec

One year and nine months 21 months

Devided by two that is 11 months to get over him 

That s now that’s in November and we got end dec

Am I ever going to get over him

I mean I can enjoy sex with someone else we demonstrated that pretty clearly

But

I mean

U know what I mean

I don’t know

Ear wax think ear wax

I loved him as my dog I suppose and u cant get over people that u know u loved so deeply and cared for

And I feel that he feels the same

With his tight ass I know he loves me

He does

And that is a poem

I mean I m sorry ]

But the whole thing with his flatmate I suppose started off as a bit of fun and it escalated

It went out of hand completely

And I mean today I read this story about this Chinese girl

And I cant say I like the girl

But I feel sorry for it

So something is melting

Some sort of healing

And I saw her today and she is so punchable it s got to be said

I mean how many times have u fantasized about punching someone

Like a dog

I d never punch a dog

Its just cruel

But I d punch xxx repeatedly

Like a punchbag

And there are some screams in the air here

And I punched xxx as I had to it was self defence salvation after all

Lets google it

I like it here

Im in nft

Do I like it

It’s a place to hide

It s all right

Its quiet

And hoover girls were quite

And the thing is like a background film but a lot of screaming

And creaming

Lets go back

Yes salvation was the word after all

And salvation army apparently said something offensive for the jews

No

The gays

The gay jews

And the pope blah blah about condoms

But he did say that the sweatshops are baad for the good

God

So shall we stay with the positives then shall we

And stop condemning people that are not so forward as we are

As forward

I mean

As it happens it s due to life experience

Some boy is talking to its cat or something

I want him to shut up and fuckin leave

Why not

Is he talking to a dog or a cat or something or oh dear his girlfriend

I m sorry

Black

Black jewish but not gay of course

So then then

Can we actually sit down and talk about it

Why did we break up

Cos we didn’t kiss and shagging hours were horrific

Yes two good enough reasons

Also tightness was an issue

And flatmate came as a cherry in the pile of shit

Yes but please don’t use cherries in a derogatory manner

Yes the Chinese lady

It s all pc around the block

So then then

Yes and my thyroid pills and piles and the assertiveness course made everything more exciting

And ready to go

Fly off the shelf

And yes I love russel brand but that s not why we broke up sugarpie

It was piles

Piles of shit yes

And in the end we had moments like oh we ll be together for ever

Ie for five more minutes

For life

For life till the sunrise

Or the sunset

Or the sunshit

Haha

Hohoho

Cos it s Christmas

Hohoho

Hot shit flying off the self

Like Chinese toys

From china

From matell

Made by beautiful small Chinese children

Made of porcelain

Only real

Only fake

Only all the same

U realise u r a slave this girl said

Before she went to bed

She s an angel now

Offshed

Lets see lets see lets see how this goes

I had an interview today with a pub manager

She seemed nice enough she didn’t tell me my wage of course

I mean not to mention im only working for the novelty

Yes BITCH I came here to succeed and I don’t want to know about the wages

But what if I say no

I d like that

I d like to say oh no it s too little the money I mean

And the penis behind the bar

I m not sure if I want to work serve assholes

Bar managers

I don’t know

It d better be

Let it be

It ll be two shifts a week will take me out of poverty

It ll be the equivalent of me asking the government to top up my rent

Top up

Thing is I can t deal with the changes

There wont be any changes

U say

I doubt it no I know there wont be

I just don’t want to ask for more money

I also don’t want to be on things that are good for me like national geographic or the other one

Tax credit

I don’t wanna

Leave me the fuck alone

I wanna die

Alone

That s not true

But I want to fund myself a bit just a bit

Ah 9 50 for new years eve I said no

I said no no no

No I said no

I said I wanted to know if I ll get rich overnite they said no

I said

No

Good call

Good

Call

Fall

Then of course I changed my mind if u got me and that s 1964 and we re talking 9 pounds per shift

#fucck off

I mean it was 5 50 I think in weatherspoons years andyears ago

And now its 6 30 how

How not how

Cos just to update u 1964 again and we re all turning into slaves

Slavery for the devil

Ery

Now now it goes like that

Nike suggested 60 hours a week for the sweatshop

And that s meant to be a measure

A bloody measure so now it s more

Haha

How much more

How can it be more

So its 5 days by 12 hour a day

Or like seven days by 8 ish a day

Hahaha

It s ridiculus

But not surprising as russel said

Dear old russel

I love him

Anyway

Lets see whats happening in my life

Tomorrow

I m into watching something today maybe a theatre or something

It s 8 30 and I haven’t been very social these days

Swallow hard

I ve missed a coffee opportunity

#and I wonder if its meant to make me feel bad

#i did callher

I did

And it got nowhere

Nowhere

And we re not even talking about a boyfriend

Maybe its time to talk to xxx about getting back together

Out of boredom and loneliness

That s how it was at the first place for him anyway

No baby

Just move on and cruze along and u ll find someone better with less issues around u

Cos that was too much

Reason it up suck it up and if it s ur heart ur shutting out then I m really sorry

He s ok to be ur friend but I don’t think I don’t know I feel

I feel isolated

And sorry

And vulnerable

But that s not new

And that s not a reason to be with someone

It s called laziness to find someone else

And anyway let him move on with his sweetheart

Yes I am looking for an ideal situation and yes it doesn’t exist and yes I wont find it

But that doesn’t mean I had it

I d got it

Cos I d know it

I probably wont get it

But I could as well research

Cos that one that other one was shit

And if we do kiss

Na mu trupisis ti mity

Goodnite

X

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