Friday, 13 March 2015

is this gonna be my childhood





I will be overseeing this project
From Clapton
From overseas
Mm Clapton with a capital C apital
How do they know
How does my computer know that Clapton is a city
Is it
A shity
Shitty
It s ok im just saying I m staring at the park and swaring
Staring at the stars at a starry starry nite
Sarxidia mas
I m really uncomfortable due to someone using my plug
My buttplug
It s not funny
Some one s leaving
The hot boy
Can he read
Can he spell
Or mis spell
I don’t mind
And I don’t care
Xxx stopped drinking
Alcohol
And I laughed
And I had a laugh
And I was funny
And I was happy
Like I always wanted
I did tell him
That this was one of my ten wishes in life
And as  said it I was thinking five
And he said that is really nice of me
And I was thinking he doesn’t know
He clearly doesn’t
It was good
The best case scenario
I love him to bits and I saved him
Did i
Well I didn’t but my persistence and positivity
And his
As we r one
I ll save myself now
My turn
Get out of the loop
It s strange
Only two days in the year of the horse
I ll put my flyer on everyone s wall on fb
With an apology
Can i
Use ur wall as my self promotion
Please
There s no really a point looking back
Looking up
I mean
What I m saying
Is ye
Lets see
Lets have a wonder
He s trying to help
He doesn’t know how
Let s see
Let s see
University plus
The years to come
I love two things
The roof thingy idea
And the foot thingy idea
The foot thingy is temporary
The roof thingy is long term
In terms of comedy
Yes I haven’t allowed myself the time
To thrive
The time to thrive
So my jokey t shirt
Was a t shirt that says I m not gonna fuck you or I don’t wanna fuck you
And another one was fuck the artworld
And at the back it says literally
Do u like it
Do u think it s smart
Smart includes the word art
Like smarteasers
Like this coffee wasn’t loud enough
Proud enough
I m sitting upright at a bar
It s basically Victorian type seating ie standing
I m equally balancing on my sitting bones
But thing is
I would be better on a chair
A firm chair
Anyway I m here now
I better enjoy it
A bit like our world
No ethix
No morals
Nothng to do
Absolutely fuck all
It s interesting
Intuitive
What could that be
If u cant change ur world how can u change somebody elses
I don’t agree
So it s like if u change somebody else s world ur world is changing
From withn
Maybe u have nothing to do with changing someone s world
May be ur  channeling energy
In xxx s case
I cried when we were together in xxx and he was taking drugs
He was making me really upset
It was his drama that I was living
It was self sabotage
It was envy in a sense
Why not fuck it all
That s why I m a little envious
It s money
Is it too much
I feel like I m missing out
I need to speak to xxx
Now
Today
now

Tuesday, 10 March 2015

too much coffee




Too much coffee and they r watchin
That s what xxx said
Theyr all different
And clean
And u know polymorphic
Amorphic
Dunno
Poua
Ebrime
Asorti
Dunno
And I smell
Nice
Nice enough
I live like a hobo at the mo
With my life in my back pack
No body knows
Didn’t tell anybody
But
It s a whole new level
I don’t know what I ll do with anything about anything
Isn’t it great
No
It s not
I ll go to airbnb
Beans and toast
That conversation takes place behind me
Behind my back
And I don’t want the froffee
Fantastic- let me grab those menus ladies
My pc is misspelling
Yes
And anyway since misspelling is a word
Dunno
If I can
Be bovered
Salmon and pea
I made some jokes of the fairies and
And so
#hence
Therefore
Done that
So it said
If u r depressed now u cant think how a future situation will benefit u because
Ur depressed now
And
It doenst work like that
So
U think of current situation or the brain does
And it can only think according to that
That s why for egsample when I go to a bar I need to have a glass of water
In order to think what I want to drink
Cos otherwise I m just thirsty and I ll probably order a beer
So the fact that nothing makes sense
Has got to do with that
I can not visualise myself to be happy cos I m not happy at the moment
Fair enough
Makes sense
So how do u become more happy at the moment
Death is not an option
How about book a ticket to venice for the bloody carnival
Yes yes
Anndd
A ticket to la for four weeks from now
Yesyes
So
Rob a bank
Rent  my room
I could couldn’t i
Half price it
700 pounds for two weeks
It aint enough
Money or time yes both
Time say it s all right
How could I do this
Oh yes we were saying the surreal workshop
I could do a massage course and all these people that they said but I don’t want to fuckin do it
Don’t do it
Don’t do it
Resist
The urge
To be happy
So far
I ll be fine I ll make a good impression I ll study and all
Ok lets get down to business
19 2 14

Sunday, 8 March 2015

cinamon swirl


I should have it
I am havin it
With ice cream
Ooooh
Xxx emailed me
Next best thing to a cinnamon squirl
Hmmm
My little squirl was someone else
I remember him
He felt same with me
He felt safe with me
Ment to say then twice it went to same
We felt same
Sometimes u don’t know how u feel
The other person s there for that
Sometimes you don’t wanna feel how u feel
Then u change boyfriends
Is it really that simple
I ll have that ice cream
I l buy some for new year
I m becoming boring
But nice
More grounded?
I love xxx
Well I want xxx to be more prescice
I have a lot of respect for xxx
And his honest down to earth approach
The days before I leave London were really stressful
Were really something
I wouldn t say bad
Out of a movie
My ability to watch
And be watched
Get watched
As something active
This is what I need to exploit
And explore
Is the positive of exploit
Exploration
Of childrens abilities with phones
And with buckin buttons
Hmmm
What about xxx
He said
I said
We said
In a million years
New era estate was so dodgy indeed
It printed hats for fucks sake
Gangsta hats
Sayin new era
I mean honestly
That s not the point
I hear you say
It s the paradigm
And yes I agree
Got to be said
It was never about the hats
So
Xxx
I wanna have a conversation with you
One that lasts
How do we do that
Im in a house and it sounds like it s being demolished
A guy with a trash can walked across the hall
All good
So timewise
I m gonna need to go swimming pretty soon
But I m not sure I ll make it to the comedy club
In which case
I d better not go swimming
Hm
Tough one]
I chocked
I didn’t mean it like that
Course I ll go to the comedy thing
I m just sayin
Would be nice to do both
God
My beautiful self
Is completely takin over
Oh dear
So how is u
How is ur life
Are you goin to peru next year
Have u done your thing with the thing the thing to do that
Ye I went a bit back and I mean it can be a bit confusing
Too much information
Focusin on the future
Never
On the present
But see it
See the present
Presented to you
As a present
That s why it s called present
It s not the first time I come up with this amazing conclusion
Okay so it s an a and an e
Present
And present
No it s all present
Present
Gets corrected by my computer
Computa knows
Everything
So I m in la
Needness to say
Or needels
And I m supposed to be doin some stand up
Comedy
To be found
Presented
Present
And ah today I should go to the thing
The comedy store
Book myself in for next week
This is how they do it
It s gonna be all comedians again not laughing at each others jokes
Oh dear
Devastation
But on the up side
I hope to be able to present some nites in London
I ll google it now
In fact
X
30 12 14
29 here J



Friday, 6 March 2015

yes yes we are all one



Today I am practicing that
I can not apply for a job let alone look for one
I can not do fuck all I can not
I can not I can not I can not
I can not
I can not
I cant
Cant
Can not
Can not do

A can not do attitude
Altitude
I can not google altitude
I can not
Pc says I can not
Mum says it s a choice I m not working
Yes mum

Well I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
I don t expect the world to understand or to know
I can not
I have no internet connection
Yes there u go I said it
I can not
Ha now fuck off world
I have no water
No food
No shit
And no internet connection
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
Oi cannot
I m telepathic
Telecomunative
Telecomunicative
I can not
Aint
Gonna stop
Stop
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can not
I mean computer says I can
But
Truth is
I can not
I can not
I can not
I can n ot
I can not
I can not
I tried
Trued
Truelly tried
Truly tried
Truly tired
Tired
Trierd
Tried7
Tired of trying
Of crying
I m not gonna fuckin cry cos I have no internet connection
But my pc says I can not
It says I do
It s like hm
No I can not
It s schizophrenic
It s not a choice
Its ultimatum
According to yogic princilples separating is an attitude
Its an illusion
So
#according to medicality it s schizophtrenia
According to ancient traditions schizophrenica episodes ie seisures and the people having them were regarded as jesus Christ
Here now it s like hm no
But
We all have them
And
It’s the absolution the work of
There s the fire alarm
Arm
Arm and alarm
Fire alarm
Fire the alarm
Fire alarm
We are all cool here getting on with our business how English
Fuck s sakes someone say something
Something
Something
Something
We are not gonna die are we
It s making me nervous
I mean why are we not leaving
Why are we not leaving
Why are we not leaving fire alarm is on fucks sakes
Say something
#say something
Fuckin shut up I said and it stopped
Ah lovely
How funny
How un English
How un gentlemanly
I can t even google xxx
#what the fuck
I mean really
 Ican t stalkx xxx
Ah dear
Dear cock
Dear cock
I would like to talk to you make me come
Make me turn into a chameleon
Chamomile
Chamomile mu
Chamomila mu gia mila
Kamila
Kanenas
Kanonika
Ka
Ka
And
For that matter as it happens shit!!! I can t access my internet
It s my internet
That s what makes it so attachy
It s mine
It s not everybody s it s everybodys but thing is it s like that
It s like
It s everybodys but my google fb washing mashine
The idea of separatingness
Makes it mine
The authority
The autonomus
The auto distractive mechanism
Love
Love true love
Mm
I m not sure
I m not sure
I m not sure
Gannix
Ganix means nothing in german don’t google it
It s like that
So then then I ve been thinking
Black people are allowed to point out the inequalities when they r doing jokes
White poepolle are allowed to slag off working class middle class class
But white babies
Like there s no tomoro
Who s gonna tell u
The idea of separation is an illusion
And why do u want to have ur own babies after all
U can have someone elses
U can have a panic attack
And they all look so fucked and so worn out
I wouldn’t lose my style
For nothing
For the fuck of it
For fuck s sake
I can t say I like it
But
Even on drugs
Do drugs
Ah
The dream
Jimmy
Jimmy
Do u want a snooze
Why is it that babies appeal to people
And then when they grow up
Nobody likes them
Especially for black babies
A bit like dogs
They give them back they give up on them
Why
Or trash white trash like terrier
Bull terrier
Why
It s not their fault they are the only innocent ones
We brought them up based on the illusion on separateness
Benefits and a broken condom
And a broken home
And here I am
Now
Munching on my cordial thingy
Wondering
What the hell happened
How the fuck it all went wrong
How
And why
Why
Am I in prison
Am I straight for prostitution
Am i
Or am i
Am i
Do I have any friends
Am I someone
Somebody
Some any body any one
And stuff
Stuff go wrong
And here u are here u have it
Absolution
Cant say I know what it s about
But
I like the word
I like the word
The word
Fuck me
9 11 13
It s the twelvth