yes yes i know

I think I want us to get back together if  we do snog

Yes I think I do

And if we do discuss the whole xxx thing

If we do do these two things in this order

Then we can be together

I m not sure we can do the things above without suicide being an easier option

But u know as they say we can give it a go

We never had a closure u see and I watch too much friends

It could work

It really could

But we ll see

It s a possibility

And I did get a crush on san pedro and on this other kid god

And I mean I still do

But

I still want to exercise my power over you and ruin ur relationship u may have at the moment

Do i

Do i

And why would i

Would i

I do not know

Indeed

All I want to do is lose myself and become a public person

On a self destructive note that s all

Yes speaking of which

Heroin isn’t an issue is just loneliness

#heroin is the solution

So since I need a gang

A gag

I need a gig

A band

A group of friends a crew mates

Things

People

I need

I was thinking of becoming a comedian maybe I d get some

So I ll go to this performance group in Brixton on Thursdays

And I ll be going to citylit on Fridays

And it ll all be fine

So tomoro in the pub when they ask me are there any days u cant do

U got to tell em

Yes cant do Thursday evening and Friday evening I think it is or is it daytime

And I can t do sat morning either

So if they ask are there any days u can do

Be prepared

On a positive note

Stay positive

Don’t mention aids

Haha

Ur lonely joke innit

Only

Mmm yes lets see

The guy isn’t talking to me why the guy the guy

Did I freak him out

Did I say whales instead of wales

I mean who cares honestly]

It’s a h

A bloody h means so much in british dictionary

Dickj

It s dickens

Its dickie

It s Vickie actually

Laiko onoma

Mm

I got a bit sad today a bit of a camdown

But it s ok it ll be fine

I could have done some yoga

In the end

I couldn’t

I m all right actually

I m all right

I m all right

It ll be fine I m all right

I do look so beautiful tonite

And that s an issue sometimes I feel wasted

I m wasting all that beauty

Literally

Maybe I should go for this photoshoot tomorrow after all

Why not

It’s a tenner

But I may get this bloody job at the pub

And it ll all be fine

A bit of yoga

A lot of training and travelling and this and that

It ll all be fine

And a literally agent or what u call em

And a membership at Shoreditch house

And I ll be damned if I don’t take this book to Claire tomoro

Good girl

Super :_

Do it baby

Do it

Be reliable

Rely on urself if anything

Ah u ll be fine

U are

X

A lady

A lad

A ldy bird

Or a super market can

Not cheap

No just vodka

Vodka on a can

Vodka on a rail

Arail

How will I serve

How can I help u sir

Would u like a vodka and tonic

I drink Guinness

If they sexually harass me I sue them like there s no tomoro

Oh sir how was that

I am not comfortable with that remark sir and I ask you to leave

In other words fuck off sir

Good

Yes I haven’t missed people being dicks in pubs nor do I anticipate it

Them

Their dicks

Like there s no tomoro

That s the idea

Its like that

Hey mister cocksucker

Stick this in ur anus on ur way home will ya

There

Fuck off

Yes you starsuck

U

Dirty mother fucker

Mm yes

You with the tiny willie

Haha

Yes you yes that s right

What else

That s enough

Lets just be nice

28 12 13

what is it one

I can understand how people may get too busy to fuck

But I m not sure I want to

You see

The way I see it

It has nothing to do with that

U need to see a person in order to want to see it

In a way

I m not sure I agree

But I find it a bit hard to switch back into connection mode

After I ve been disconnected

I feel a bit hurt and rejected

And it has nothing to do with me

Or has it

I understand how people get busy

I just don’t want to be one of them

I always have time for my friends

The ones I want to go out with

The ones I want to fuck

There u go I said it

That doesn’t say anything about the friends

It says a lot about my vagina

And if u feel ur motivation isn’t there

Maybe

Then maybe

U r not for me

I m really sorry but I need to aknowledge

And this is when the age comes in

U know what s important

The important think in this context

Is in fact my vagina

I have nothing to do with it

I merely represent her

So as a spokeperson

I d like to speak on her behalf

And she says

It has noting to do with me

It s the clit

Now ur being childish

It s the lips, says the clit

Ah a

So there u have it

A rollercoaster of emotions

But the brain the brain needs to be involved

Otherwise

But I don’t want the brain to be involved

I just need a flying fuck

Is that a horrible thing to say

I mean

I don’t know

I just need a lover

A full time lover

A lover committed to his lover activities

And I mean

Who gives a shit

About men

It s not about men

I love the cock otherwise

I feel women can understand me

It s like

It s important

Fucking is fucking important

And I don’t give a shit

It s all been this thing that it s not

And it s not

It s all these things that u wish about urself

Is self development

And motion

And detatchment

And higher education

And higher being

And higher mind

And existential fuckin approach

And it s all down to a nice simple fuck

And if you are not interested

And u don’t want it to occupy so much of your time

Then baby sugar

Ur not for me

If u don’t want to fuck three times a week minimum

U cant afford me

And I got to tell u now

Cos I think we r fooling ourselves

So I m out

And u go on with ur life and u ll find a girl patient enough to wait for you to feel the same

But I m not

10 7 14

i think maybe

The problem is loneliness

If  people s taxes were going to underdeveloped economies blah blah

If if if

Then

I don’t know it would be safe like living in a village

I just met a cool boy

And another cool boys two arrived

And it all felt like Christmas

I told them they are angels

And they told me I m very nice

They re too young to get fucked with- maybe

But

They are doing a good thing

And that needs to get acknowledged

They sit there smelling of scunk

And they remind me of the good old days of belongingness

Thing is I never really fitted in

It was always me against the world

But I was the addition

I was what these un cultured societies needed

Haha

So vain so intelligent dear

U cant say anything these days

Thing is ye

I mean

Whatever

What do u recon?

There s people I like and respect

There s people I like and appreciate and they hurt me during the last week

It could be the people or it could be a prickly situation

I generally feel quite battered

And obviously the internet is slow

And I m going to Greece tomoro and I have just over a tenner how why don’t ask

I don’t know If I can get a cheap bus or buy a ticket online that is stressing me out

Or so it should

Yes it does

And generally I ve been around here hovering most of the day

What do u do

No where to go

No where to be seen

I enjoy this city

I wish I had more friends to share my time with

I did in theory want to work

And I didn’t want to spend any money

That s why people go to work at the first place

I haven t got a studio

I would like to have a place where mainly artists and activists go only activists in fact

And they generate ideas make campaings drink have a smoke

Yes yes

It s called community

Yes

I haven’t got that

Well I can focus on things I do have

I have a nice time with xxx today as he says some brilliant things online

I have a rough time with xxx

I am sad and bitter and know better

I thought he could make me happy I thought I was

Until he kissed me

Oh fuck

Its annoying some people can just do that

And I wonder how

How and even why they get it so right

No that was new level

Fuckin loved it

Remember xxx

I like xxx s face

I d like to fuck it

Haha

I love his voice

And what else

His laugh

I d like to show him on fb

That I love him and I want to see him and I want to marry him

Ha

Yes yes

And maybe thing is the genes

He looks like his dad

Do u think his mum was really hot

I do

I always thought that

Did he tell me

I only thought that cos he fancied me so much

And he s got taste

And you know men go for a girl that looks like their mum

No?

It s kinda past that now

I love someone else

I love someone that doesn’t love me back

At least for the moment being

I think I d be fine with it

Him

But I probably underestimate myself

The power of i

Or we

We

That could be good

We could be a start

I only wanna see u if ur with xxx

Yes only

That s right only

I only

Cos he s fun and I wanna get to know him better

Hes probably boring

No

Bitter

I like how serious he is about his band

I don’t understand him

And what he s trying to do

To me he had it

He had London

He was the most outrageous band

Literally

But

He s giving up he s reforming he s trying to do what xxx told him as she is his main sponsor

She believes in him

But she believes in a version of him which is not him

Is him sold

Is him reformed soulless dressed in clothes from zara

Who gives a shit

I met him with tyrqoize shorts]

What is this now

A new xxx

Chased

I don’t like it

Him

And I don’t like what he s doing

Straight from work as xxx put it

Funny

Sigh

So lets go

I ll tell him that

I would if he answered my calls

Or if he wore my jacket

Or if he replied to my texts

Or if he flys me to the moon

And back

Or if he

Deserves to listen

But we are all one

And I have an idea

I have lots

I have too much time on my hands you could say

Interestingly fascinating

I have mites

Not

I have fungus he said

He said

He is like god

God like

Haha its all too ridiculus for one day

I m not xxx saying

It s ridiculus

We need to see them for what they are

Our actions our impact

This is a classic lack of assertiveness and loss of power

What do u do

Well fuck it

In any case

I don’t know

It didn’t seem like much apparently

Apparently people can fuck in this city and not give a fuck

Fuck this shit=y

I don’t think so tho

I m not not gonna like London cos of what it does to me

I m gonna change the impact

Re force it somewhere else

Good girl

I m doing it

I m travelling/ well-

I m going home

I m also meeting new people doing new things- watching a film/ well

Anyway I could today if I wanted go to bow and use the sauna

For egsample

Maybe I should

Well maybe I will

Why not??

Maybe that’s what I need today actually

It will take the cold away

Give me a better skin

If possible

And I could use my time to relax and reflect

I need a bathing suit

I could go home and get it

I could also check for tickets for Gatwick by bus for cheap

I could

And I shall

And as of xxx

I don’t know what to say

He ll get round

They all do

Just look at the story

I can tell him off then

And spank him with passion

Or just snog another

I really hope I get some sort of resolution to my boyfriend position

So

It s full time

Well it can be

We can sleep together if that counts

It s only available if you are a good kisser

And I mean it

If your dick is a few inches long

I haven’t got a ruller at hand but I got one in my head

And another one in my mouth/ cunt

Terrible really

It is poetry for ya

Also ye

You got to be an asshole

A complete asshole

Not true but if that rings true u probably have issues with self esteem which I probably like

And I have as well

So it wont help anyone if we both got them still wont feel alone

Also

Big dick yes said that

Let me move on

Hahahhhaaaahaa

Do we ever move on girls>

I mean lets face it

Lets face the big dick catastrophe

If a guy has a big dick and is a great kisser

And we tried it and we liked it

Well

Lets see what do u recon

Do we

I can only think of one occasion where I don’t remember what happened

Well anyway

Back later

So then then

Enjoy your life in prison in isolation

I hope to see u soon under a bus

That is indeed terrible

Terrible

But u know I m hurting

And I don’t really mean it

Trying to take it back is making it worse#

May the force stop beneath you

Just in the bus in between the wheels

And u ll be home safe

#to me

Yes that is scary

Good bye for the now

And not the other way round

Tara

X

9 1 14