am i seriously

gonna spend the rest of my life tryin to prove myself

cos that s sad
is that art
entertainment
career
job
what is it
i can t do it
same way u couldnt put me on that show today
why
i mean u could
if i had a gun stuck in ur head
or u couldnt
what is it about can t that makes u sound like an asshole
well it s got the word cunt in it
haaaaaaahaaa
new years joke
roll with it

anyway i feel better

things are clear
i got a bit emotional
and scared
and i wasnt prepared
and im preparing for freedom
and there s certain fall backs
u r just not ready for
emotional detatchment being one
one of a kind
it s good to disappear from ur actions
ur cause of actions
u r uand what u do
and u can separate
and u can differentiate
ur spirit wouldnt do bicycle
ing
whatever
u get my point
it s simple
it s drifting
not i
there u go
t it
yes work hard on my text
it s an ego trip
it s an energy boost
do u remember that chocolate
loose associations
u lose
still exists
whats withthat
u pickin on me
u knowanyway
u gonna lose
loser
no i mean
talkin to me
i quit
u win
whatever
nevertheless
a lot of conversation they said
a lot of split personality
my thought today was
do we do too much meditation in fact
one of a kind
not the one u focus on nothing makes u big
makes u cry
makes ur skin shiver
the one u get consumed by
in order to disappear
how is that different
oh yea i m really an artist
but i didnt tell the britain s got talent
i m not stuuupid
who likes an artist
egsactly
so up themselves in order to breath
in order to survive
the minimum
wave
wage
whatever
anyway enjoy ''the text''
and see u soon
20 12 15

almost impossible

an impossibility
tryin for me
cryin for me
what do u recon
u trust me?
long enough
tough enough?
come back quick
sort of tough
a toughie
a whitechapel
what do u recon
who am i
who are you
how are you
i got a knuckle duster full of stars
middle stars
cherries
i mean
who are you
again
i dont give a shit
a fuck
and anything in between
i mean
right
there s no tomoro
again
we been through that
isnt it
i mean
who knows
isnt it
i mean
i love my life
knowingly
i ll ask around
i mean
u know
who are you
how can i stay
for free
for ever
for you and for me
for the love
for me and for you
for who
u know
u know
u know who u know!!
it s my ideal possibility
that house in soho
the soho house
i ll call it that
did you like the barbie idea??
i need to do something with my life
say no more
comedy
im good
im goofy
but smart
people get it
they do
it s like that
i m soo fucked
look at mee
oh my god
i dont know
oh no
anyway i m out
14 9 15

true romance

so u have to live it
i lived it
i lived the perfect true romance
i didnt know before
or after
after maybe there were moments
but it was really good
emotional
intense
detatched
hollow
and light
cos it was was what it was
maybe u never recover from the true romance
surely
maybe one year wasnt enough
it s not there yet anyway
i lived romance before
but not like that
concealed in an envelope
i could make a film
called the true romance
is my life with xxx
with barbie dolls
it s like that
all the dialogues all in my head
i can re create them
re enact them
and make a film
cos it was good
and it might have been

11 6 15- nov

while i m updating

do i have to sit and learn
is there gonna be a problem to my previous stuff
do i have to save anything
who are you
am i goin for a coffee
are you for real
forever
for tomoro
for today
for the love
for you and for me
for christ sake
for cryin out loud
forum
for whom
so transidental
transphemeral
ephemeral
or something
i need to fall in love for a week
like there s no tomoro
today
like you do
who was that dude
i ll google him

right no need for that
restraining my own thoughts
i guess that s what it s about
planning my journey
to dalston

hahaha
do u get the irony
the irony
is that
i ll be wearin high heels
maybe i should wear the white dress after all
in the end of the day
it s kinda besides the point
if i dont
i ll be all like hm i didnt wear it
even though it doesnt look great
it s different
it s white
i look better in the other one
i cant dance in these boots
i couldnt have done