i do

soo
i m like
whatever /\
my mum doenst want to be friends on fb
she released me
and i wrote the rite message
a message from the heart
i mean
who are you
egsactly
that form of self censoring
i dont care to see any more comedy
i d like to get beaten with a stick and id enjoy it
for me the best act would be that russian girl
she went
i mastrubated
haha
all the right things
immediately
do i wanna do comedy
am i feeling it
how am i feeling
can i do a racist joke
people are asking me about greece
who are you
who are they
the syrians
too soon
whoever
my mum told me all the news
i dont need to know the news mum
i m stayin clear of the news cos the world is in such a shit state
i dont wanna know
init
i m in it
i m tryin to forget
in any case audition starts kinda now
if i m in i m in
and if i m out i m out
how u feel
i feel a bit shit
a bit reluctant to conform
i wanna do my jokes on syrians
i wanna know the world knows how shit the state of the world is
and i m fuckin sorry
init
i dont give a shit and i dont care enough
i ve been broke long enough and i can go on for hours
i ll make it somehow
i dont need to sell out sell my soul or my art
for
ladies and gentlemen
it is the same thing
11 30 15
la time

tooodddayy

am i touchtypin
am i
that s what i wanted to check
i can vaguely see my fingers
clickin away
but i m not too active
amean
arent they too jumpy
i m correcting me A LAT
i miss la
it s a bit like here
only less
feels more like a village
only less
u can t fuck everyone
only less
i must do more comedy
only less
let s do it
only less
it ll be great
only less
i ll get paid
only less
less
less
mm
i ll speak to the dude
only less
i ll put together my own show
only less
it ll be great
only less
less
less
i ll do it today
only less
i ll call him now
less
lets
x
27 10 15

a surreal move

woow \
im in portsmouth in the port- yesyes
eysyes
do you rememnber eysenk
i wish i could google him
it was in the days of no internet
or i hadnt discovered it
i kept hearing people talkin about it
internet
inter net
wooow these boats all come in front of me
they just are
just like me
and xxx
xxx
there
i said it
whats in my mind quite a lot
a lot of the time
it s like that
i mean
init
what do u recon
it s gorgeous in here
he s gorgeous
he s the one that i instantly liked
and then he said about the dollar
and that was love
the kinda love that rings true
that took my breath away
not nearly
i fainted
enough
i did momentarily hesitate
i had no words
that s what u do
the nearest to xxx
when i told him that i knew i d like it
like amsterdam
and he nearly laughed
nearly
he nearly loved me
at the same time as i did
timing hurts
the word sends me off
that s why i was bein a dick to that guy
he said it s all about timing
they both did
or just one
what is it
with men and timing
timing is life
why separate it
its clear
it s like blaming life tho
and u wanna be in a non blamin culture
it s not timing
timing would be excellent
if u reversed it
and faced this -fuyckin- way
im angry
im upset
im detatched
which one
do i have to choose
no
ope
lovin it
it s fine
sun is shining
dont ruin it
nothin to ruin
nothing to run away from
mm
it s fine
as long as i understand me
i understand each other
aai
and my this and my that and what s wrong and we should be doin somethin
yes that s what i feel
that s what it is
i m tempted to have babies
but i know i can not multi task
and they need water
and alfie brown is an allright parent
because he knows
everything
14 9 15

that s the fuckin thing

i can t help u
i can only try and prevent it and explain it
i can t be you and control ur actions
as much as i d like to
from time to time]
i am terribly sorry
i dont deserve this
none of us do
i havent got a house
i dont know where i m staying in a few hours
that is stressing me out
i dont know what to do about it
isnt it
it s like that
isnt it
i mean
isnt it
isnt it
i ll have to fail you
i m only there to do comedy
comedy
and cock
dear mum
so now u know what it means
and u free to bring up that i may be diabetic
that u read in my diary
without my permission
because it s public
i mean
who gives a shit
are you retarded
and the other one
u have no phone and imagine someone dies
if someone dies
as i can well imagine
i will find out
for real
it is gonna happen
how much it will fuck me up depends on u
and on our relationship while we r still alive
i am fuckin sorry
i am sorry
i can t do anything
relationships are with people
if one decides to act like a cunt
the other one has a choice
not to talk to the cunt
or tell him he s a cunt
and move on
and u can catch me later
cunt
i can t un cunt u
all of a sudden
it s not my responsibility
it s my responsibility to myself to treat myself
to my parents
i can t help them
for real
i understand them
which means i forgive them
but at the same time i can not physically change their behaviour
i can cry
and make lines on my face
but there s no point either
i am very beautiful doctor shean
or whatever ur name is
if you are indeed as i suspect reading this letter
u must know
a few things have happened
over the years
it has led to this
read my blog
it s me
it s my diary
it s my thoughts
it s interesting
it s a fascinating read
it s all right
it s an understatement
i too have lived in london for many years
so at this letter i am angry at my parents
at this life
for the love of god
save me from this anger
but
at the same time
i found ways to release it
i found comedy
it s excruciating
it s disqusting
its awesome
it s unique
its uncunt
it s uncencored
its beautiful
and the best bit
they can t sue u
my friend told me yesturday
so
it s freedom
it s freedom to express and discuss
it s me
it s the peacefulness to exist ina tranquil environment
it s me
it s awesome
it s a nice life here]
it s a pretty good place
7 9 15
isnt it

i dont know what it ment

and if it ment anything
but why did we feel so sad
it really was sad
that really was the feeling
pain
and injust
the robot arms
that had to pull us apart
were you
were you?
it felt like it
i dont know
like my dog bein pulled away by my dad
like the teeth of the lion
what lion
lionshell
lionskills
lionlives
just lion
what about the lion
ah lyin
what s with lyin
it couldnt have been
that sex
i was dreamin of
creamin of
and it never happened
the trauma evaporates
sometime tonite
it wont happen
but u ll come here
like a scum
with ur tail through ur legs
it took two of us
did i survive
persist
do it all wrong
can i judge
misjudge
the definition of survival
how do u call that
rape
it wasnt that
it wasnt mine
it was the this and the that
the rape of our children
wats sad
they never were
born or alive
from possibility
of existance
this guy keeps staring
i could kick him in the face
he looked away
knowingly
he can do what he wants
who are we
to judge
old critiques
anyway
the definition of survival
trivial
pursuit
i ll give it away now
ur a tenth trivial
american
survival
and me
am another tent
im the perfect ten
it s a match
a match
for survival
i m wellsh
and i m well
it s a secret code
it s a shame actually
half the things i overhear
just these half
the last two
sentenses
really
so
with that in mind
i m gonna go
fuck myself
knowingly
celavie
the definition of survival
x
7 10 15

oh my god right

u got my text thou righgh==tt
anyway
uninhibited
londoner
i saw a londoner child today
when confronted it looked back to its i pad
awesome
it was chinese
it was the epitome of human nature
versus nurture
i got some flowers next to me
some young flowers
i dont know what i ll be sayin today
but i have an hour to put it together
an hour
for ten minutes
ten minutes is quite long
rather long i must say
that long
this long
how long
bumble bees
and sugar epiphanies
a ladee called adam
so he saw my msg ten o clock
ten mine or his
i coud never work it out
maybe his
maybe mine
it s probably fifty fifty
filty fifty
makes me think
makes me wonder
stomach still struggles
there ll be one day
my heart is racing
what is it
drama
trauma
that s what it is
human inlove is traumatizing
a deep cut into emotions
and sometimes u have to detatch from it
so u create an irreversible post traumatic experience
for now
to experience it now
in the comfort of ur living room
ur living room
is supposed to be a room ur living in
living and loving
maybe i should call people
maybe it s better dedicate a few minutes to them
say hi
would u like to come to my house
they ll say why
nothing no reason
u recon
yes
why not
i mean
it would be nice
to have people round
for once
for a change
be here
in my own environment
say hello
hello
xxx isnt coming
i mean
who cares
and who gives a shit
maybe he s busy
too busy for his own relationship
with his buddy
supposingly
ye well i m judging
i wanna go to bahamas
it took me two months
the attraction was huge
i couldn t comit
i didnt want to sensationalize anything
anything that wasnt there
i didnt wanna book him
but how
does he look at my msg and just not reply
how
i mean
i dont give a shit
is he impolite
inappropriate
i mean
who cares
i d like that
hey xxx
i ll send u a picture
of me
in the toilet
u cant ignore it
but that s what u ve been doing everytime i sent u a msg so far
so far so good
i m sorry
i m seriously traumatised u
u can take it
the home secretray and a judge
that s what u need
in any case
i d like to follow this girl up
to her house
show her my book
boob
ha
eitherway
i mean
who knows
a factory in lahore has collapsed killing sixteen people with hundreds trapped
it makes polythene bags
suffocating

it ll be a generally dry evening across the uk
this girl has an edinbrah accent
i miss it
it s six
i got time
for anything
and everything
and nothing in between
what do u want xxx
rushing u?
we fucked it
it takes two
we gambled
and we lost
we played it wrong
however u wanna put it
we r not together any longer
at the moment
and we ll see how long that lasts
i know u know my inner monologue goes a bit like that
and i know u know that s why u r not takin to me
i think
because u dont want to give me hope
for the future
because u cant monitor
my emotions
because theyr runnin wild
after u
because
sigh
sigh is not a laugh
is not a swallow hard
even though it s comin
it s fine
as long as ur happy
i m not
but that s for me to decide
u probably are
in an la sort of way
virtually unhappy
uncommunicative
deep into antidepressants
stoned to death
no that s in syria
iran
for u guys is all the same
anyway
i can relate
love u and in
and but
and
im freakin sorry
i dont think i ve been sorry for anything any longer
as to
maybe one thing
maybe one day
life will pass
and we ll be sorry
for tomoro
11 4 nov 15

are we getting dummer

oh no it was the same person
it s just
it kept happening
people would use the loo without pulling the locked thingy
or just one
person
here
and the other thing
this morning
with the dude with the teas
the tea story
i mean
i know what it was but this is for  you
this is what happened
guy
late twenties
all right dressed
dumb
like a mother fucker
goes
which one s the tea
so the answer comes
these two (with the paper bits hanging out)-
as opposed to a shorter cup- with the coffee
are you on fire??!!
and the response:?
can you write it?!!!!!!!!!
i mean can u visualise this
three minutes later he came back for the receipt
it was priceless
a clueless performance
effortless
did he know
he made our day
he kept us all wondering
do u think ur dumb?
he wouldnt survive a day in the nature
he would potentially have been hit by a falling branch
of starbucks
or just a tree
and then this happened
he would have fallen into a lake
or a whole of mystery
he would have procreated- by accident-
and he would have put his hand and his head through a broken condom
and disappeared
suffocate
these are the options
but i wanted to ask him
what do u do
how is it that u survive(d)
how is your day
a series of mysteries
a sequence of unexplainable events
which one s the tea
how
motherfucker
i really need to know
cos there s more of you
it s fascinating
and utterly therapeutic
to consider
the possibilities
of you surviving
and the horror you can cause
i mean it s frightening
swallow hard
why are you not in a cage
like einstein
we could come with problems
u could solve them
with a different solution
what do we do with immigration
i dont know
not have wars?
did u think that??
what else?
polio?
disinfecting handkerchiefs?
broken condoms
/ mirrors
shattered dreams
imagination
art critiques?
pepsi cola? vs coca cola?
what are the big questions
can i have your email
haha
i can only imagine the possibility of an answer
would you like a cup of tea??
den uparxei afti i katastasi
something comical is following me all day
the woman in the plane - we r sitting on the last seat - galaria-
she set her phone to greek popular music
got to land
got to go
ah
the joke s on you
the guy is your pilot!!!!!!1
x 2 9 15