that s the fuckin thing

i can t help u
i can only try and prevent it and explain it
i can t be you and control ur actions
as much as i d like to
from time to time]
i am terribly sorry
i dont deserve this
none of us do
i havent got a house
i dont know where i m staying in a few hours
that is stressing me out
i dont know what to do about it
isnt it
it s like that
isnt it
i mean
isnt it
isnt it
i ll have to fail you
i m only there to do comedy
comedy
and cock
dear mum
so now u know what it means
and u free to bring up that i may be diabetic
that u read in my diary
without my permission
because it s public
i mean
who gives a shit
are you retarded
and the other one
u have no phone and imagine someone dies
if someone dies
as i can well imagine
i will find out
for real
it is gonna happen
how much it will fuck me up depends on u
and on our relationship while we r still alive
i am fuckin sorry
i am sorry
i can t do anything
relationships are with people
if one decides to act like a cunt
the other one has a choice
not to talk to the cunt
or tell him he s a cunt
and move on
and u can catch me later
cunt
i can t un cunt u
all of a sudden
it s not my responsibility
it s my responsibility to myself to treat myself
to my parents
i can t help them
for real
i understand them
which means i forgive them
but at the same time i can not physically change their behaviour
i can cry
and make lines on my face
but there s no point either
i am very beautiful doctor shean
or whatever ur name is
if you are indeed as i suspect reading this letter
u must know
a few things have happened
over the years
it has led to this
read my blog
it s me
it s my diary
it s my thoughts
it s interesting
it s a fascinating read
it s all right
it s an understatement
i too have lived in london for many years
so at this letter i am angry at my parents
at this life
for the love of god
save me from this anger
but
at the same time
i found ways to release it
i found comedy
it s excruciating
it s disqusting
its awesome
it s unique
its uncunt
it s uncencored
its beautiful
and the best bit
they can t sue u
my friend told me yesturday
so
it s freedom
it s freedom to express and discuss
it s me
it s the peacefulness to exist ina tranquil environment
it s me
it s awesome
it s a nice life here]
it s a pretty good place
7 9 15
isnt it