am i seriously

gonna spend the rest of my life tryin to prove myself

cos that s sad
is that art
entertainment
career
job
what is it
i can t do it
same way u couldnt put me on that show today
why
i mean u could
if i had a gun stuck in ur head
or u couldnt
what is it about can t that makes u sound like an asshole
well it s got the word cunt in it
haaaaaaahaaa
new years joke
roll with it

anyway i feel better

things are clear
i got a bit emotional
and scared
and i wasnt prepared
and im preparing for freedom
and there s certain fall backs
u r just not ready for
emotional detatchment being one
one of a kind
it s good to disappear from ur actions
ur cause of actions
u r uand what u do
and u can separate
and u can differentiate
ur spirit wouldnt do bicycle
ing
whatever
u get my point
it s simple
it s drifting
not i
there u go
t it
yes work hard on my text
it s an ego trip
it s an energy boost
do u remember that chocolate
loose associations
u lose
still exists
whats withthat
u pickin on me
u knowanyway
u gonna lose
loser
no i mean
talkin to me
i quit
u win
whatever
nevertheless
a lot of conversation they said
a lot of split personality
my thought today was
do we do too much meditation in fact
one of a kind
not the one u focus on nothing makes u big
makes u cry
makes ur skin shiver
the one u get consumed by
in order to disappear
how is that different
oh yea i m really an artist
but i didnt tell the britain s got talent
i m not stuuupid
who likes an artist
egsactly
so up themselves in order to breath
in order to survive
the minimum
wave
wage
whatever
anyway enjoy ''the text''
and see u soon
20 12 15

almost impossible

an impossibility
tryin for me
cryin for me
what do u recon
u trust me?
long enough
tough enough?
come back quick
sort of tough
a toughie
a whitechapel
what do u recon
who am i
who are you
how are you
i got a knuckle duster full of stars
middle stars
cherries
i mean
who are you
again
i dont give a shit
a fuck
and anything in between
i mean
right
there s no tomoro
again
we been through that
isnt it
i mean
who knows
isnt it
i mean
i love my life
knowingly
i ll ask around
i mean
u know
who are you
how can i stay
for free
for ever
for you and for me
for the love
for me and for you
for who
u know
u know
u know who u know!!
it s my ideal possibility
that house in soho
the soho house
i ll call it that
did you like the barbie idea??
i need to do something with my life
say no more
comedy
im good
im goofy
but smart
people get it
they do
it s like that
i m soo fucked
look at mee
oh my god
i dont know
oh no
anyway i m out
14 9 15

true romance

so u have to live it
i lived it
i lived the perfect true romance
i didnt know before
or after
after maybe there were moments
but it was really good
emotional
intense
detatched
hollow
and light
cos it was was what it was
maybe u never recover from the true romance
surely
maybe one year wasnt enough
it s not there yet anyway
i lived romance before
but not like that
concealed in an envelope
i could make a film
called the true romance
is my life with xxx
with barbie dolls
it s like that
all the dialogues all in my head
i can re create them
re enact them
and make a film
cos it was good
and it might have been

11 6 15- nov

while i m updating

do i have to sit and learn
is there gonna be a problem to my previous stuff
do i have to save anything
who are you
am i goin for a coffee
are you for real
forever
for tomoro
for today
for the love
for you and for me
for christ sake
for cryin out loud
forum
for whom
so transidental
transphemeral
ephemeral
or something
i need to fall in love for a week
like there s no tomoro
today
like you do
who was that dude
i ll google him

right no need for that
restraining my own thoughts
i guess that s what it s about
planning my journey
to dalston

hahaha
do u get the irony
the irony
is that
i ll be wearin high heels
maybe i should wear the white dress after all
in the end of the day
it s kinda besides the point
if i dont
i ll be all like hm i didnt wear it
even though it doesnt look great
it s different
it s white
i look better in the other one
i cant dance in these boots
i couldnt have done

i do

soo
i m like
whatever /\
my mum doenst want to be friends on fb
she released me
and i wrote the rite message
a message from the heart
i mean
who are you
egsactly
that form of self censoring
i dont care to see any more comedy
i d like to get beaten with a stick and id enjoy it
for me the best act would be that russian girl
she went
i mastrubated
haha
all the right things
immediately
do i wanna do comedy
am i feeling it
how am i feeling
can i do a racist joke
people are asking me about greece
who are you
who are they
the syrians
too soon
whoever
my mum told me all the news
i dont need to know the news mum
i m stayin clear of the news cos the world is in such a shit state
i dont wanna know
init
i m in it
i m tryin to forget
in any case audition starts kinda now
if i m in i m in
and if i m out i m out
how u feel
i feel a bit shit
a bit reluctant to conform
i wanna do my jokes on syrians
i wanna know the world knows how shit the state of the world is
and i m fuckin sorry
init
i dont give a shit and i dont care enough
i ve been broke long enough and i can go on for hours
i ll make it somehow
i dont need to sell out sell my soul or my art
for
ladies and gentlemen
it is the same thing
11 30 15
la time

tooodddayy

am i touchtypin
am i
that s what i wanted to check
i can vaguely see my fingers
clickin away
but i m not too active
amean
arent they too jumpy
i m correcting me A LAT
i miss la
it s a bit like here
only less
feels more like a village
only less
u can t fuck everyone
only less
i must do more comedy
only less
let s do it
only less
it ll be great
only less
i ll get paid
only less
less
less
mm
i ll speak to the dude
only less
i ll put together my own show
only less
it ll be great
only less
less
less
i ll do it today
only less
i ll call him now
less
lets
x
27 10 15

a surreal move

woow \
im in portsmouth in the port- yesyes
eysyes
do you rememnber eysenk
i wish i could google him
it was in the days of no internet
or i hadnt discovered it
i kept hearing people talkin about it
internet
inter net
wooow these boats all come in front of me
they just are
just like me
and xxx
xxx
there
i said it
whats in my mind quite a lot
a lot of the time
it s like that
i mean
init
what do u recon
it s gorgeous in here
he s gorgeous
he s the one that i instantly liked
and then he said about the dollar
and that was love
the kinda love that rings true
that took my breath away
not nearly
i fainted
enough
i did momentarily hesitate
i had no words
that s what u do
the nearest to xxx
when i told him that i knew i d like it
like amsterdam
and he nearly laughed
nearly
he nearly loved me
at the same time as i did
timing hurts
the word sends me off
that s why i was bein a dick to that guy
he said it s all about timing
they both did
or just one
what is it
with men and timing
timing is life
why separate it
its clear
it s like blaming life tho
and u wanna be in a non blamin culture
it s not timing
timing would be excellent
if u reversed it
and faced this -fuyckin- way
im angry
im upset
im detatched
which one
do i have to choose
no
ope
lovin it
it s fine
sun is shining
dont ruin it
nothin to ruin
nothing to run away from
mm
it s fine
as long as i understand me
i understand each other
aai
and my this and my that and what s wrong and we should be doin somethin
yes that s what i feel
that s what it is
i m tempted to have babies
but i know i can not multi task
and they need water
and alfie brown is an allright parent
because he knows
everything
14 9 15

that s the fuckin thing

i can t help u
i can only try and prevent it and explain it
i can t be you and control ur actions
as much as i d like to
from time to time]
i am terribly sorry
i dont deserve this
none of us do
i havent got a house
i dont know where i m staying in a few hours
that is stressing me out
i dont know what to do about it
isnt it
it s like that
isnt it
i mean
isnt it
isnt it
i ll have to fail you
i m only there to do comedy
comedy
and cock
dear mum
so now u know what it means
and u free to bring up that i may be diabetic
that u read in my diary
without my permission
because it s public
i mean
who gives a shit
are you retarded
and the other one
u have no phone and imagine someone dies
if someone dies
as i can well imagine
i will find out
for real
it is gonna happen
how much it will fuck me up depends on u
and on our relationship while we r still alive
i am fuckin sorry
i am sorry
i can t do anything
relationships are with people
if one decides to act like a cunt
the other one has a choice
not to talk to the cunt
or tell him he s a cunt
and move on
and u can catch me later
cunt
i can t un cunt u
all of a sudden
it s not my responsibility
it s my responsibility to myself to treat myself
to my parents
i can t help them
for real
i understand them
which means i forgive them
but at the same time i can not physically change their behaviour
i can cry
and make lines on my face
but there s no point either
i am very beautiful doctor shean
or whatever ur name is
if you are indeed as i suspect reading this letter
u must know
a few things have happened
over the years
it has led to this
read my blog
it s me
it s my diary
it s my thoughts
it s interesting
it s a fascinating read
it s all right
it s an understatement
i too have lived in london for many years
so at this letter i am angry at my parents
at this life
for the love of god
save me from this anger
but
at the same time
i found ways to release it
i found comedy
it s excruciating
it s disqusting
its awesome
it s unique
its uncunt
it s uncencored
its beautiful
and the best bit
they can t sue u
my friend told me yesturday
so
it s freedom
it s freedom to express and discuss
it s me
it s the peacefulness to exist ina tranquil environment
it s me
it s awesome
it s a nice life here]
it s a pretty good place
7 9 15
isnt it

i dont know what it ment

and if it ment anything
but why did we feel so sad
it really was sad
that really was the feeling
pain
and injust
the robot arms
that had to pull us apart
were you
were you?
it felt like it
i dont know
like my dog bein pulled away by my dad
like the teeth of the lion
what lion
lionshell
lionskills
lionlives
just lion
what about the lion
ah lyin
what s with lyin
it couldnt have been
that sex
i was dreamin of
creamin of
and it never happened
the trauma evaporates
sometime tonite
it wont happen
but u ll come here
like a scum
with ur tail through ur legs
it took two of us
did i survive
persist
do it all wrong
can i judge
misjudge
the definition of survival
how do u call that
rape
it wasnt that
it wasnt mine
it was the this and the that
the rape of our children
wats sad
they never were
born or alive
from possibility
of existance
this guy keeps staring
i could kick him in the face
he looked away
knowingly
he can do what he wants
who are we
to judge
old critiques
anyway
the definition of survival
trivial
pursuit
i ll give it away now
ur a tenth trivial
american
survival
and me
am another tent
im the perfect ten
it s a match
a match
for survival
i m wellsh
and i m well
it s a secret code
it s a shame actually
half the things i overhear
just these half
the last two
sentenses
really
so
with that in mind
i m gonna go
fuck myself
knowingly
celavie
the definition of survival
x
7 10 15

oh my god right

u got my text thou righgh==tt
anyway
uninhibited
londoner
i saw a londoner child today
when confronted it looked back to its i pad
awesome
it was chinese
it was the epitome of human nature
versus nurture
i got some flowers next to me
some young flowers
i dont know what i ll be sayin today
but i have an hour to put it together
an hour
for ten minutes
ten minutes is quite long
rather long i must say
that long
this long
how long
bumble bees
and sugar epiphanies
a ladee called adam
so he saw my msg ten o clock
ten mine or his
i coud never work it out
maybe his
maybe mine
it s probably fifty fifty
filty fifty
makes me think
makes me wonder
stomach still struggles
there ll be one day
my heart is racing
what is it
drama
trauma
that s what it is
human inlove is traumatizing
a deep cut into emotions
and sometimes u have to detatch from it
so u create an irreversible post traumatic experience
for now
to experience it now
in the comfort of ur living room
ur living room
is supposed to be a room ur living in
living and loving
maybe i should call people
maybe it s better dedicate a few minutes to them
say hi
would u like to come to my house
they ll say why
nothing no reason
u recon
yes
why not
i mean
it would be nice
to have people round
for once
for a change
be here
in my own environment
say hello
hello
xxx isnt coming
i mean
who cares
and who gives a shit
maybe he s busy
too busy for his own relationship
with his buddy
supposingly
ye well i m judging
i wanna go to bahamas
it took me two months
the attraction was huge
i couldn t comit
i didnt want to sensationalize anything
anything that wasnt there
i didnt wanna book him
but how
does he look at my msg and just not reply
how
i mean
i dont give a shit
is he impolite
inappropriate
i mean
who cares
i d like that
hey xxx
i ll send u a picture
of me
in the toilet
u cant ignore it
but that s what u ve been doing everytime i sent u a msg so far
so far so good
i m sorry
i m seriously traumatised u
u can take it
the home secretray and a judge
that s what u need
in any case
i d like to follow this girl up
to her house
show her my book
boob
ha
eitherway
i mean
who knows
a factory in lahore has collapsed killing sixteen people with hundreds trapped
it makes polythene bags
suffocating

it ll be a generally dry evening across the uk
this girl has an edinbrah accent
i miss it
it s six
i got time
for anything
and everything
and nothing in between
what do u want xxx
rushing u?
we fucked it
it takes two
we gambled
and we lost
we played it wrong
however u wanna put it
we r not together any longer
at the moment
and we ll see how long that lasts
i know u know my inner monologue goes a bit like that
and i know u know that s why u r not takin to me
i think
because u dont want to give me hope
for the future
because u cant monitor
my emotions
because theyr runnin wild
after u
because
sigh
sigh is not a laugh
is not a swallow hard
even though it s comin
it s fine
as long as ur happy
i m not
but that s for me to decide
u probably are
in an la sort of way
virtually unhappy
uncommunicative
deep into antidepressants
stoned to death
no that s in syria
iran
for u guys is all the same
anyway
i can relate
love u and in
and but
and
im freakin sorry
i dont think i ve been sorry for anything any longer
as to
maybe one thing
maybe one day
life will pass
and we ll be sorry
for tomoro
11 4 nov 15

are we getting dummer

oh no it was the same person
it s just
it kept happening
people would use the loo without pulling the locked thingy
or just one
person
here
and the other thing
this morning
with the dude with the teas
the tea story
i mean
i know what it was but this is for  you
this is what happened
guy
late twenties
all right dressed
dumb
like a mother fucker
goes
which one s the tea
so the answer comes
these two (with the paper bits hanging out)-
as opposed to a shorter cup- with the coffee
are you on fire??!!
and the response:?
can you write it?!!!!!!!!!
i mean can u visualise this
three minutes later he came back for the receipt
it was priceless
a clueless performance
effortless
did he know
he made our day
he kept us all wondering
do u think ur dumb?
he wouldnt survive a day in the nature
he would potentially have been hit by a falling branch
of starbucks
or just a tree
and then this happened
he would have fallen into a lake
or a whole of mystery
he would have procreated- by accident-
and he would have put his hand and his head through a broken condom
and disappeared
suffocate
these are the options
but i wanted to ask him
what do u do
how is it that u survive(d)
how is your day
a series of mysteries
a sequence of unexplainable events
which one s the tea
how
motherfucker
i really need to know
cos there s more of you
it s fascinating
and utterly therapeutic
to consider
the possibilities
of you surviving
and the horror you can cause
i mean it s frightening
swallow hard
why are you not in a cage
like einstein
we could come with problems
u could solve them
with a different solution
what do we do with immigration
i dont know
not have wars?
did u think that??
what else?
polio?
disinfecting handkerchiefs?
broken condoms
/ mirrors
shattered dreams
imagination
art critiques?
pepsi cola? vs coca cola?
what are the big questions
can i have your email
haha
i can only imagine the possibility of an answer
would you like a cup of tea??
den uparxei afti i katastasi
something comical is following me all day
the woman in the plane - we r sitting on the last seat - galaria-
she set her phone to greek popular music
got to land
got to go
ah
the joke s on you
the guy is your pilot!!!!!!1
x 2 9 15

the thing is ye again

it doesnt bother me
it s just life
it s life
it
is
life
isnt it
u can t feel a certain way
rephrase
u can feel how u want
u can feel
just feel
it
it s life
with a pulse
u cant control it
u just have to be it
it
in itself
knowingly
it
u and me
it is its own right
it
ride it
ride the wave
wave away
it
it s gonna be great
it
maybe do something there
it
it
it
it
in itself
it
away
it
maybe u deserve to be single
cos it s better
it
is
better
it
is
better
u have more control
u walk away
knowingly
u did the right thing
it was it
it basically wasnt
it really wasnt it
itself
in itself
within itself
its own right
it
u and me
it
eat
good
it s been emotional
it s hard to breath
it
without coming
it s all right
to survive
without being
it
is it
is it tho
why that day
to this day
it
self reflects
self evaluates
self righteous
it
it knows
no need to swear
no need to prove its point
it shrugs away
it
has
been there
it is
a traveller
it is
an experience
it is deep
on the surface
it s winning
on a surface angular
it surfs the waves
it s always on the top
and it s under
it s ir relevant
it works both ways
it s besides u
despite u
despises u
not
it
has no hard feelings
just mellow
just honey
it s sticky
it s got personality
and once u know
u were there
it s always gonna be there for u
it s u
it
it aknowledges
u dont even try
u run
u cry
it s all right
it
it brings u back
memories
to imagination
instigation
it
feels
right
it
knows
knowingly
sorrow and cries
forever dies
right here
in the beverly hills hotel
the one with the pretty woman
it
left a fart in the lift
it
never recovered
it
its smashin
it caused trouble
it saw the light
it was the light
it
breath knowingly
it
sigh away
it was it
u never doubted it
it was just
not fair
to compare


27 10 15

well in uncertainty

i was gonna say dwel
this girl is hangin off the boat
quite literally
hangin
off
the boat
i quite like hangin
i quite like literally
in any case
i quite like russel brand
i d quite like to rent my flat
my fat flat
maybe beg some money as well
swell
i mean
mean
what do u do
do
is this my stule of poetry
potery
is it even
evne
in the oven
oven
is it jewish
jwish
where are yo ugoin uwith this
u just ruined it
ruined it
it s an eccho
eco
anyway
annies
anies
i m cold
od
old
ppot
odd
in any case
i had no right
right
i m losing my shit
shot
shit i ment shit
shit
in any case
case
basket case
in case
just in case
case
i ll have to ring the fuckin thing and borrow money
and thats the end of that
that
doit now
now
now
now
now
save
save
i need a swim
swim
i need a fuck
fuck
ah that was a good one
good one
i need a bear
bear
well
swell
in any case
ace
it s gonna be fine
ine
line
nine
mine
i ment mine
nine
was a mistake
ache
in any cse
case
fix the ocomputer
octopus
octopussy
and shut the microwave
for the love of god
god
x
8 4 15
i mean
4 8 15
15

two thirty

ah
writers block
how beautifully manifested
i didnt write for a few days
and
then some
i had sex with edinbrah dude
i love this boy
how he uses me
how he uses life
beautifully
it s assertiveness
he asked
u dont mind if i wake u up- and fuck you
i nodded and said no
i heard me saying
it was interesting
it was probably the only guy
that i trusted
what was it
he was redundant
he wasnt tryin anything
we were two beautiful souls
bare and burried
swallow hard
what is it
i m tryin to say
brian
the life of brian is political and is the best thing ever written in the history of years
after shitting is believing i may add
so
i m gonna be fine
i m not tryin anything
concept and artist- maria tea
they r all artists here
in dalston
i fit in
my efforts are appreciated
i have a hole in my pants the size of a baby s bottom
it s like that
it s good to know
i am wearin a onesie
back to ryan
so he said
this is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me
and i looked back
god i want it
ha
i do love your dick
do i love it cos it s yours
i have loved a dick or two mainly because of the dick
i mean
you know what i mean
maybe girls do
girls shouldnt
i mean women
i mean men
maybe men
i dont know
i do!
you an i
it s a personal joke
only y o u get it
and a girl from essex
x
21  10 15

i like me

i decided
i like me a bit too much sometimes
but isnt it what it s about
that s why i can be a comedian
i dont like my computer and what it does to me and the way it calls me user
user
loser
fuck you
de confuse me
i need to know how i appear on facebook from someone elses account
cunt\
can do
anyway
anyhoo
im in santa monica
i ve been thinkin
on my way here
about xxx
of course
of curse
it was always xxx
it was always here
it s the reason that i god here
god
god just gave me the reason
the answer
so it was god then thank god
thank xxx
was god xxx
am i missing the point
in any case i was gonna say it s the reason i think about my parents all the time
sometimes
at the back of my head
it s cos i m here because of them
but i am who i am because of me
its circumstantial
really
and my sheepskin jacket is in fact...
foreskin
it s foreskin
foreskin jacket
foreskin wallet
foreskin bag
foreskin sneekers
foresneekers
foresake
for fucks sake
art for arts sake
furks sake
seriously
in any case dude just gone
he was nice he said hello
im at an artist getto
ghetto
im in the ghetto
im basically sittin here just sittin with my lapdop in my bag\
honestly
and i was thinkin how romantic that it s a place full of artists
full of retards
like there s no tomoro
today
fully dysfunctional
i love it
i feel at home
i feel controversial
special
i feel
i feel like i belong
full of weirdos
full of i dont know i ll stop here
the last time i left it broke my heart
just like london
i felt that i d done well and it was a grand exit
but i do need that photo that xxx took off me
i need it
it s the background of my life at the moment
is an elecltrically charged being
it s something
nearly something
anything
i need water but can i ask for another one
they only put a tiny bit
i mean come on
i got a bottle
fuck it
grandiose
so am i gonna do the gig at 8 30
i mean why not
what else am i gonna do
i could go on a date
or try to pull someone
i would like that
i mean
xxx said he ll contact me
he didnt
innit
this guy thinks he s in cos i laid eyes on him twice
even tho it s just the two of us in here
eye contact
it s the perfect place for a picture 
xxx and xxx and people are in venice
i could do that
i could go to venice
with xxx and xxx
it could be fun
a bit of drama
i m better than this
am i tho
yes
there wont be any artworld as it s july and it s irrelevant
deeply irrelevant
late june
whatever
in any case
it s the day im landing
and with another three hours i land in the house of resurrance
resurrection
affection
whatever
i mean\
they love me
and they know me
and so do i
i love them and i know them
and theyr excellent
people
they get it
i mean we ve all got drunk and acted retarded
i think it s a bit offensive tho
for venice
it requires refinidion
redefinition
refinement and definition
that boy was boss man
that s why i broke up
broke down
broken into
that really was the reason
i followed his facebook and i really like him
we like the same things
it s a killer
we really digged it
we digged it
i need to google digged it init
maybe i should go to venice
maybe i will
and maybe i wont
i may do just that
i will and i wont
maybe xxx sends me happy birthday
and safe trips
and whatever else
maybe baby
maybe i m made for you
and chewy
maybe
but maybe
me and the fluffy boy
we arrive together
maybe
maybe what do u think
maybe
i dont know
maybe just maybe
maybe i dance to hip hop
maybe
i just hope too much
maybe pinky inky and plue werent pink
maybe
maybe ur just there to remind me
that i need something weird
maybe
something better
something bigger than u
something
maybe ur just happy
maybe i m just upset
maybe i m just depressed at human nature
as a resulf
result of
whatever
the only good thing wiht my computer is that it wont try to correct em
me
auto
on the upside it does lots of crazy shit
it s like it s on crack
cocaine
ketamine
not always
nearly

shall we

now now
 this guy
came here
with his wifey wife
i mean why do i care
i m in the middle of nowhere
and i can t enjoy it
i have too much time to self reflect
it ll be fine
trust me
i m an alien
i ll be fine
this kid smiled at me
htis other kid is hysterical
i m never gonna let myself go
u can say what u like
all these fat women with babies
they just ate another one
i wanna fall in love
be
relocate
do my comedy
i did say
it really is the wrong approach i have at the moment
be friends with a producer
dont fuck it up
xxx was tryin to help you
but you know
find me on fb
i ll come to your show tomoro
have some fun
i mean
let s see
init
i d like to find a place to work
a quite place
with wiifee
this woman nearly broke her foot and shat herslelf and died
she s only ninety
this pleasant thing at this time of the day has old age and babies
where are the hot single guys
where is the hollywood
i changed my ind
the hottest venue so far is the balloon
and nod just cos russel went there
but if i m honest
i like the wee room
it s only little
it ll be fine
isnt it
just thought i saw someone called someone someone
i cant touchtype wuite a lot
just now
i m like
who knows
what if it rains
i lt here
oowwooww
it s like that
i like everything about it
isnt it
i d love that
so i ll definatley go to the beehive
cat in the hat balloons
let s see
isnt it
we ll find out
i mean
i m actually nice
isnt it
isnt it
isnt it
isnt it
ohh noo
well i guess
who cares
so i ll be goin there
we ll be fine
it ll be awresome

fuck yeah

is there another one
fuck yeah
in the planet
oh i m writin for u again
i hate that
my lovely friends
sure to know
u ll hate that too







so reset
restart
retard
d
i
c
k
 motherfucker
learn to spell
miss spell
it s been kinda bulldish
bulldish childih emotional sentimental
a man with a ladees penis
is never nice
ye
is not nice





i was gonna say child s
 but i stopped myself
true
not true
another feeling came up
that s all that happened
i was explaining to xxx
i was explaining to myself
i m explaining it now
u can t reserve a heart
learn to love
and live
swallow hard
somewhere in between
that fuck yesturday it was a humangous success
if it was a campaign it would have
if it was a heart attack it would be fatal
if it was a storm it would be hilarious
people were dancin and jumpin and all through the rain
roof
ahh
if it wass
a storm
we done that
if it was a dog it would have been beyonce
haha
if it was a rhythm it would have been styler
what is it
if it was
a tailor made suit it would have been
if it was art it would have been van gogh
fuck off
ha
good enough
if it was
picasso
dunno
if it was expensive
porshe maseratti cross with babies cadilack and smurfs
and a jeep cherokee
always liked it
if it was
a bag it would have been my crocodile bag right here
collecting sperm
had to say it
this bag
ladees and gents
reminds me of an other fuck
but back to this one
if it wassss
retirement it would have been hong kong
chicago
if it wasss
smurfs it would have been syphilis
whats her name
strumfita
if it was
anyway malandory break
seven pm 9 / 29/ 15
if it was a shit it would have been this one

cocomere

see you tomoor
what else is gonna happen to me
my beautiful child
i dont know
it s like that
i m afraid he s leaving
he apologised
the other one didnt
he just did it
cold hearted blood
like a shark
an american shark
with no imagination
indication
teeth
tits
whatsoever
i mean
who does that
i need a boyfriend
i never in my life needed a boyfriend the way i do today
hm
this girl really liked him
i really broke her heart the first time
he said
it s my last nite and im spending time with my friends
ha
am i your friends
mother fucker
he said he loves to fuck me
obviously
demonstratably
i mean
who does that
again
feel like a broken condom
a broken record
strong writing
ha
im afraid so
no imagination
no no it s not real
u get the joke
this is my life
i plan it
like an unplanned pregnancy
this is the best piece of writing yet
and for that
my friends
celavie
to no imagination
x
31 8 15

what could have been

a love story
we r not even two people
we r two halves

see

someone else saw this
someone before me
i am
sylvia plath
now be careful dear
fear of life and everything
fear of life and death and being alive
and dead
as now
as eveer
incomplete
x
17 7 15

ten mins of writing

so where am i
i m doin well networking
is there anything i missed yes
so
check the dude s comedy later irish comedy parloure or something on fb
do this now would be grand
they dont have wfi
for the love of god
for real
that guy was hot in a n adam hot sort of way
there is such thing as an adam hot apparently
didnt know until now
didnt know until my pelvis started shivering
physical emotion
sensation
so i was writin earlier that i wanna live life as a sensory experience
tell me somehting new
lovely set
hahaha
what du u mean
how do u mean that
lovely set
of boobs?
x maria babes
ur awresome
and the more u take urself out of ur shell the more i actually like you
and because i m reserved
in a heart sort of way
not that im sick im just broken
through
and thorough
so i m free
to exist
without belongings
without real feelings of disbelief and disembodiment
without the fuss of where to go and who to be
i m  here
i m now
mindfull
i met a barman i really like
i really think he s hot
i really would like to take me home
and up the ass
in several different ways
i really would like that
i would like that a lot
another thing i discovered
u dont need to rent a room for xmas
or for nyear
or for the fringe
in a hostel
as ther llll be friends u  ll meet
on the other hand
maybe is good to wake up with people
sleep with people
is less desparate
is gonna be fine
i ll be fine
i ll be around
i ll be me
just you and i
knowingly
it s the year of imagination
i wont go to jail
hopefully
it ll be fine
hopefully
i aint done nothin wrong
hopefully
no one can prove it
hopefully
i ll be fine
hopefully
cat sitting is not a crime
meeaawww
xx
14 8 15
tomoro is my nameday!!!!!!

the system in a field

thank you alfie brown

soo the joke
u think ur different
u think ur doin something
it s over five pounds a burger
it s fine
it s what it is

i felt i found god- or indeed that god is lookin after me
when the toilet was indeed so clean
i thought
i must be a good person

what else happened
i just walked in a toilet now uninhibitedly dropped my stuff on the floor
thought
there s no shit
unexpected
how we lower our standards

the cashpoint in the filed charged 3 99
a rich cash point
on top
i guess it s fair enough
brought money in
in a truck
in a horse
according to the myth
that should do

nothing wrong with it

it dont ma ah

all i m sayin
im not even sayin anything

the this and the that
the travelling without a cause with our luggage
is like a syrians control group
sado maso
in any case
good
it s good it s not like that hopefully
and that is not our life
it is however a rush hour
nevertheless
is good enough

it really is the system in a field and i m gonna have to tell u
a vanilla opening with doctor rice and beer in islington will do just fine
just
or skiing in croatia
what is there to do
for us westerners
to cheer ourselves up
i dont know
it s not that we shouldnt be having fun
or should we
but in the state of the arts
the only reference to otherwise reality
was the thing where u dropped ur tent off if you were syrian
to go to syrians
or something
and alfie brown
that sorted me out
it s just
what annoys me
and it sounds like an understatement
and it is
is that we are willing to suffer
for nothing
for fuckin nothing
we did one walk down the lane for the iraq war
i climbed hours of stretched fields to get to a glass of whater
egsactly
pun intended
it s just
the power of the now
the power of the many
its symbolic
watching you me walking up and down doing nothing
essentially
accumulating waste
are we sorted
have we achieved and we r just chilling
i m just sayin

14 9 15

am i done with europe

am i tho
am i done with anything
am i done with the rest of the world
im done
not
it s just
i dont wanna feel limited
and i dont care about australia
in japan i can come and go
and now is the time to crack america if ever
so
if i was to rent the flat for the whole till february sort of way
i could
make a visa application
support it with the fringe thingy
ask the dude ben about this thing in america the agency
get a maseratti
or a porsch
go to new york comedy festival
go to austin festival
they r both in november
go to adelaide festival
do a course in marketing
joking
improve my jokes
kill myself
tick tick
tick
soo
meet xxx
fuck him\
throw him down the river
tie and tale
is not existing in the same way is it
is like that
im here
somene s there
some body part is there
am here
still here
im here
she s there
my heart
overseas
overworking the boundaries
of no tomoro
even tho
this is why
i m so detatched
so completely detatched
and absorbed
in civilization
in reality
of tomoro
today
this is a beautiful city
this is a happy city
with no crime
and lots and lots of money
la
i mean edinbrah
ask vangelis
he knows where to go
it s a good space
knowingly
and unconscioulsy self confident
self aware
it knows its value
it wont rub it in ur face
it s there
bit like me
bit like what i did today
i said the yes and from above
the history of universe
improvisation
rules i learnt
rules of life
rules to become happier and more present
i got the ethos he said
i got the ethos all right
nice and assertive
asking for help
get in there
be yourself
you could say
this girl blew her nose abd i want to blow her away
literally
and physically
and anyway
im here now
so  i breath
and move on
that s how we do it
yes and
and
and i dont give a shit
that s really what i want to say
u want ne to play bu ur rules
i will
mother fucker
i ll say what u want
and then u ll do what i say
it s really like that
lifes golden rule
number one
look after number too
poo
x
knowingly
x 14 8 15

xxx s boudeoir

yesh i m gonna go for that
it s all right isnt it
why not
i mean
it s part of the fringe
and it s got xxx
i ll go check it out
be happy
merry
sweet
sweet mary
oh dear i want to look innocent
i m goin through that
but i lost weight
i can get it back on
but it means that all the clothes that once fitted are now gonna occupy a junkyish lifestyle
i want to recover
it s been a while
a long week
it s always rough before i leave london
i hope i do
it s a stretch
i ll work it out tomoro
and from here
onwards and upwards
get an angel
suck him
x
1 08 10 8 15

its crazy n here

i m here
in the hackspace
in the heart of space
with a high sounding ventilator type of thing next ot me
is it gonna blow up
they said no
isnt it
it s like a hoover
the kinda sound that can make me cry
it can make me cry
i promised myself
that land
that trea situation
situated
in the trees
in the trees
in the trees
in the trees
in the trees
in the trees
i mean
are you fuckin kidding me
are you kidding me
are you
kidding me
are you
kidding me
are you
kidding me
am i havin a break down
a nervous break down
i might do
i may as well
who gives a shit
i m done
it s boring
i cant be close to the edge all the fuckin time
no one really gets it
no one really understands
how desparate i really am
i am fuckin desparate
i m crying with what s the name
lugmous
i mean
i dont give a fuck
i m breakin up
i m breakin down
i should contact someone
some guy asked me if i m okay
i told him yes i just like to do this right now
i like to do this
get the attention by crying
a cry for help
literally
i m dying
i m cryin
a hoover next to me
computer still being an ass
guy is still tryin to help
it s not helping
it s just makin it worse
i m not sure egsactly what to do
what s the insight
what am i expected to do
if you ve ever felt sorry for me
or if i ever made you laugh
or if you ever read my blog
and cried
and laughed
and if you like to give me any money for it
this is the time
i try to go to edinburgh and i booked accomodation - youth hostel bungle bed- and what else
i dont know what else
that s that
and i wanna do some comedy when i get there
so if you think i should
give me some money
click on the link
this is not a joke
it s as real as it gets
it s a form of fund raising
it s like that
i m panicking
i am shitting myself
it s horrible
i can t do it any more
i m in pain
and sorrow
and i m not sure what to do with myself
i ll have a cup of tea
4 8 15

this is kinda

crazy how we found each other
this is not a mirror
this is not a mirror
but we found each other
we r made of the same stuff
we r equally damaged
and equally tallented
we are we
baby
we are i
we are me
you are my hand
and i got nothing to give to u
and when i m angry
you are angry
and when i make a mistake
u can t save it
cos there s no tomoro
today
it s a hypotheses
a hypothetical fact
cos these conversations didnt happen
for a reason
cos it s neccessairy
for the things
to air
to be heard
twice
cos it s twice in my head
cos ur head
is in my head
and
knowingly
up ur asshole
at a time like this
u fucked it up
already
we knew it
u r not together
are you
that s what it is
it s full moon
and its six months until i met you
maybe time works backwards
forwards
maybe i ve seen the end
for a reason
this is the beginning
ha
hm
3 8 15
do i want to

excellent

it s saturday nite
at my studio
and i m crying
what is wrong with this picture
i learnt today about the happiness representation
analysis
it became clear
it is clear
to me and to anybody else
thing is
no one should care
in the end of the day
if it is right or wrong
or what
i need six hundred pounds to do this course
it would be fun
it would be fine
also let s think
two weeks
that s ten days
by four classes a day
that s 40 classes
by 10 pounds a class
that s 400 pounds
but that s six hundred pounds
but that s laban
and it s a good qualification i guess
i was explaining to francis today about
sensitivity and my view of the world
why indeed
i ll google sylvia plath
i ll check out what the problem was
essentially
a dick husband
a troubled childhood
fuck
init
18 7 15

the thing is dot

if we look back
at this moment in time
we r worse than fuckin natzis
for one they believed what they were doing
i dont know if that s good or bad
but at least u r true to yourself

we
on the other hand
supposingly dont believe in slavery
yet we practice it cosistantly
i dont mind
i m just sayin
i d rather believe in slavery
than not
since i practice it anyway
or
better still
i should stop practicing
aint it
simple enough
mister


yours
nomisterakia
early joke

i m gonna write

although i m tired
what happened
living room seems cheerful
familiar
computer started playin the game
i can watch porn
i can fuck xxx
which one
dont be stupid
i wake up horny
i m happy
i have a sex life
i have a love life
i have a sex lice
license
haha
i stopped myself
i think xxx logs in as i log out
literally and metaphorically
the other way round
i dont care
i dont give a shit
i might say something
next time or tomoro
again
there s a revenue
who s alfie
i ll google him
in the artworld
a female comedian
a female vagina
why are you surprized
turnerprized
imagine
now imagine
if a woman comedian got the turner prize for this year
hahaha
i love you
you and anybody else
this girl today was so hot
and she had two children
and she was genuinely hot
she s from that place
iceland
like there s no tomoro
again
life is a myth
i love this guy
he just appeared out of the blue and he started sorting my life out
motivational tapes and all these
how to take over the world in three steps
like there s no tomoro
today
init
18 7 15

im in edinbrah

my breath is smellin and i need to brush my teeth
my tits
all nice
i m lookin out and i see
online shore fifth floor
maybe i should do that
virtual reality fifth floor
online stand up show
or just open mike
tryin out new material
meaning stickin things up your ass
or ur vagina
cos i got the vagina
so far so good
daddy paid for the hostel
and i feel like we r comin together as to why the guy blah blah
and i dont have to save anyone
episis when u like someone
u think that the whole world revolves around her
so why not do it with you
i like my bed
i had a right little snooze i did
i like russel brand
i like sleeping
i like being
incapacited
i like my life
i like life
i like this view and that we r high
i like people
lovely people
i m ready to shock them
it ll be a laugh
wherever u put me i ll be takin minute silences for kids in china made our phone
i ll google it right now
for the now
there s no tomoro
celavie
x
11 8 15

do u remember

that moment in the plane
when it had landed
and u were in the plane thinking
be careful what u wish for
in a way u knew that if you werent allowed in the country]
that could have saved u the pain
u did know
we know everything
at any given time
we may refuse to tap into it
that knowledge
it may not suit us
it may not be the ideal possibility
however it is the truth
and there is only one truth
one underlyin truth
one version of events
that happens
knowingly
that is so close to the truth
to the universal truth
to love
that love
wasnt gonna exist
not like that
it wasnt gonna manifest itself at this point
and that s what it is my dear friends
an unmanifested love
of the universe
the universal studios
were to come later
and russel brand
and the baby
and there s no tomoro
again
but
think about it
that full body experience
of no tomoro
of regret
of balls
great fuckin balls
u have urself to regret
u have urself to thank
for being you
unmanifested
love
it s gonna be fine
what was that
she ll hurt u in the end\
or something
love is something
this cry was comin
in a million years
we done it
it s done
in the end of the fuckin day
love unmanifested
like theres no tomoro
again
3 8 15

is there a place to sit

so there used to be the art world
no
there wasnt
that was the problem with art
the problem with art is the artworld
and anyway
comedy actually questions stuff
that s what i know
and the show in roundhouse
which dont come every day tho init
so it s a good place to find and a good place to be
it s a good find
a nice bar also with a beautiful one seater
and a bar that s beautifully old
with crazy fans like flowers
so i asked myself
and this guy i said
i d like to join you
i m too excited
isnt it
i m like yey
i can come by one of these days in the week
i can be there at seven
send him stuff
google him
it s all a bit too crazy
too official
and unofficial
what would u like me to say
init
i mean
power trip
ur the directive director of my show
bollox
no but if i dont shit on the audience
things will be beautiful
once again
i didnt ask almost as i am beautiful
and see
it s gonna work out
comedy laughs
the girl sorted something out and i
yes i
can rent the flat to two people in london
problem is i dont trust them
and i can t be there for my beautiful new girl
that is the problem
or i can add a cleaner on top
i dont know
what do u do
do u have 100 pounds to spare
that s the secret
i blew 450 like that
just like that
u can not cross un cross urself for anything
it could have gone horribly wrong
u were preparing for an audition
yes it was a dance class
but still
u d be too happy
u still couldnt do the pirouettes
and the guy said u can join us
but he was merely being polite
and unemployed
and i couldnt go to the members area
or could i
i could
i can now
now i m underwhelmed
with the fact that i m not rentin my flat
my fat cunt
i dont know
i feel a bit surreal
les see
let s just bloody do it
shall we
lets
8 11 15

i m married to death

i m married to forever ness




so secretary was my idea of romance
once again
the girls got the balls
u change continent u fly away
whatever happens
doesnt matter
it was a step too far
i went to la
i could have gone to jail ey
i could have turned up in a wedding cake
the thing is
the difference between u and me
she had balls
she had seen the vulnerability
and i had seen the back of it
i had seen the getting over me
she had seen the suffering
i had seen the piece of the suffering
i wouldnt have known
what suffering i could have caused
she loved him
she thought she had the solution
i didnt
he told me i got dad issues
he had seen red
i couldnt help him
i could have proposed with a dress
long story short
maybe i am made for russel brand
it was typing of]
of
what s he made of
shit
megastone
luis ck
he s a great writer
hes a poet
he was all there with his spoken word bit
he would terribly put me off
he s so sensitive
but
butt
he loves me
he doesnt know it
yet
he kinda did there for a second
but he hasnt emailed me
so what does he say
hi i m russel brand
u told me to email you
you ordered me
well
what can i say
take me out on a date
somewhere nice
quick
and quick
do u say that
i could say it again the next time
i could say
we dont have to talk
u can take heroin
that s not funny
fukky
fuckyin funny
anyway
i almost proposed to xxx
i guess i can ask russel out
i mean
what s the difference
what s the fuckin difference
u know what u know
so what is a narcissist
i dont think he is
he has a lot of empathy
and he s very sensitive
why the fuck does he bang on about the narcissistic personality
hes lovely he is
he s troubled
and as he said
his life ]
lends itself to frustration
alienation
ation
intonation
hesitation
psychological profiling
what do u do with a girl that thinks she s getting a porsh
and she is
cos she is
cos she fuckin said so
init
1 st of august
what else do u wanna know
it smells of fart
what do u do
i m happy
i m light
i m airy
i saw me yesturday and it reflected all that
today i watched suicide
cheered me up
haha
what else happened
hackney
hackney happened
streets of hollywood
burst down in tears
flames
i dont like the word flame
what it does to the sound
sounds like floky
u can say fire
i suppose
candle
stick
yellow
piss
associaton
beer
what s association spelled likeinit
the music from the secretry reminds me i have no balls
no crazy falls
i didnt ask
i didnt get
nearly
not nearly enough
can we go through that again
really
nearly
he said
i said
but i wasnt there
i went there
let s just focus on that
ford focus
is for the norm
i m gettin a porsh
an out of here
in my head
hollywood is a mechanism
a slow mechanism
who cares
and who gives a shit
i wanna do comedy
co me dy
and if you think
mediocre aftistan
u ll put me low
put me down
set me on fire
u think again\
cos that s where the mind stops
right there
i m psychosis
i m filotimo
im winning
and u know
i m breakin the porsh
and i m picking russel on
and he ll be fine
and he ll be on fire
i ll google his friend mat
now
yep it was him
xx
1st of august
as i said

maybe it s time

for a book
or some water
or less depressing writing
or thinking
or i mean
it s not working
let s stay negative
it s not working
i m givin up
i ll have to draw the line
myself
if
i havent got everything sorted a week before my holiday
i probably shouldnt be goin on a holiday
is that right
like a punishment
no where to go
no one to blame
i feel like shit
like any other shit
any old shit
i feel like getting a job at spearmint and rhino
it s a great place
i d love to mastrubate in front of healthy millionaires
millionaires shortbread
breadcum
what s the name
breadrrumb crumb
we got it
in any case

i dont know what i m doin here
im thinking of less desparate days
that were sometimes sad
like i was getting ready to go out
with no knickers
remember that nite
that was life
worth living
or was it
i mean
it was a physical abuse

or what
knowingly
a big dick that s not supposed to fit
but
it made some comedy
comedy cock
that sthe one
coffee and cock and comedy
co co co
co co co
maria tea
coffee and cock
4 8 15

how

just how
do i disable the bullshit from pooping up\
literally
do i stop listening
do i stop caring
i gave xxx some shit some well spent shit i m kinda saving for a special occasion
i m sorry
i feel guilty now
on top of everything
i needed to create a drama
i could be with more interesting people
i dont know
do i unnerve everyone
i m not bothered
i m not fussed
no body really understands what i m going through
what do u recon
is gonna happen
like there s no tomoro
today
what do u think is gonna happen
nothing mate
nothing absolutely nothing
no thing
not a thing
nothing
nothing
i have five days to live
leave
it s been the same with hollywood
it s been the same with everything
i ll kiss ass
i ll suck cock
these things dont exist
as options
in a million years
my parents dont know
dont understand
i can borrow six hundred pounds for the rent and i can still not have enough
that s the truth
that s the spirit
it s the true spirit
i mean for real
i dont understand
how is anyone supposed to live
in order to survive
it s the money
is it the money
is it the consciousness
a different set of friends\
of adventures
of knowingness
of quality of life
of life
a different set of life
and lies and what lies within
i m sorry i m so sad
i m glad russel brand isnt comin here tonite
i m fuckin sorry
it s not for me
nothing is
for me
knowingly
i m not sad
i m just upset
i told xxx off
i had no right
of no tomoro
today
i m just upset
i m upset
but i can look somewhere else and be fine
i can sell my machine i ll be fine
fine
i wish i had things to sell
kidneys
books
whatever\
i m angry at my parents
i m angry at my uncle
i m angry at myself
i m angry god sent xxx
but then xxx wouldn t have wanted to spend 500 pounds in five days for me tho
cos everyone s trying to make money of me
cos i can take it
cos i dont need it
cos i m a fairy
i m superficial
i have no real needs
in order to survive
like everybody else
cos i m not everybody else
init
i am me
and in order to me
to be me
to stay with me
me
me needs to be done
certain things
certain me s
mees
like i need to change lap tops
or save this one
yes let s go for save this one
like go to homerton and ask here see my laptop
is crazy
in order to survive
it has to kill me
like me
a bit of a drama day anyway
not needed
not neccessairy
i - as we heard me sayin in the past- will need an assertiveness course
what do u recon is gonna happen
i m gonna start asking
around
like there s no tomoro
today
like
what do u think is gonna happen
er?
dunno
this isnt about xxx
this is about xxx
i d still be here
alone
survive
it doesnt need to be like that
dear old life
it needs to be happy
anyway
i should go and see russel brand
again
what do u recon
and in the end of the day
why not
what else do i have to do
this boy got a one less leg cos of a bike accident
so me
i ll go check out russel brands tickets
why not
4 8 15

so i say

casually]

hello xxx
like nothing s happening in my soul
like i have things to do'= people to see
that are more important
like my heart isnt bleeding
like my pussy isnt burning
like i havent watched porn
like i havent bothered with condoms
like my vagina isnt good enough
it is
good enough
it is magic
and anyway
with the this and the that
i logged off facebook
i m thirsty now and i live on the third floor
i m fucked
literally and metaphorically
in any case im not
i m safe
safely done
safely un done

i saw xxx
he s sooo annoying
i swear he s crazy
like the kinda annoying u can t tolerate
like he wont shut up
for nothing
i had to say shush
shush so i can talk
shush so i can say what i want
and stop touching me
and he tried to kiss me on the lips
i guess we all have to give it a go
i guess i could have done the same
i guess he felt obliged to kiss me
maybe he felt it was too good
maybe he felt too much
maybe it was the point
he closed the door and couldnt re open it
xxx babes
i never ment to play with you
in those terms
i wanted to play clean
i think
maybe it was neccessairy
third time lucky
the luxury of the bauhaus
in any case
a film called sorry
who wants to see it
a film called save
or safe
or sorry
a film called democracy
a film called aristocracy
meritocracy
we ll see
he may get married
but right now he s happily married
he still wants to think he d be a naughty boy
he wants to be treated like that
and he will
safe or sorry
we ll see
mother fucker
x

this wosnt

had to tell you
i ll help you

i am an artist and i have a lot to give

that lingo from the producers - oh everyone s talking blah blah they r full of shit
i ll help you


maybe you are projecting
maybe you are full of shit
i have a lot to give for someone that can see that
and therefore their approach wont be i ll help you
mister wanker
it ll be more like i ll help myself
i ll use your talent to exist
cos i m a producer and i need the artist
and visa versa
but dont feel is charity
you helped countless individuals with no talent already
i m not one of them
i m fuckin sorry




(facebook instead) I met this greek producer guy and he was all like I ll help you, ... comin to think about it, I don't want your help.
 it s the wrong trip, its the wrong approach. if you think I got talent, use it, point me to the right direction , do what you can. but help,
in any way, is patronizing. I ll fuck you. how about that?

obviously

obviously the interent s not working
thing is
why do i know that
i do
cos i m super sensitive
ha
it s not magical thinking
it s what it is
is how my life works
why it works
it s fine
it s gonna be
it was always fine and it was always gonna be
remember when tim left?
that was something
remember when u got raped
and the this and the that
and the now
u r making history
history repeating
we ll see where that goes
for the moment
do ur comedy and break america
and london
as u do
and as u know
is very important
11 7 15

i knew

this cafe was gonna be annoying
so lets see
plenty of information
thing is
the beauty
and the beast
ninety three feet easty
u wanted a poem
u needed one
someone to shock you
i could - go to brixton- after i rang edinbrah
how tho
it s lousy weather
and it s shit
and basically i could use the skype
but line will be bad
and there s no tomoro
again
knowingly
jeesus

i mean there s salsa music
like there s no tomoro
again
honestly probably the best worse music
it s painful
aoh dear
its as bad as that fuck was
in reverse
u with me
it s baadaass
but good
oh my god
that was good
and at some point my xxx was hurting
what is xxx
in this case i m writing for u guys
i m glad i could ask
i can be spanked and sorry
and worthless and cool
knowingly
if degraded is what does it for you
in bed
in sex shall we say
cos we have no time to be primitive
and sorry
like there s no tomoro
so yes
it s wild
it can be sensitive
didnt mean a word
 i say
what i m sayin just now has no meaning
for once
i agree
with you
ha
isn it
ahhh it s okay
i should better meditate
once we know i havent missed the deadline
lets see
what i know
is what i learnt
what i do
and what not to do
and anyway
if i am
to fuck like that
i have to say
i m sorry
and forgive god in advance
for what s gonna happen to me
cos i fuckin love it
24 7 15

why

i m just using a plug that says not for public use
there s something relatively exclusive about the artworld
the writers world
europe
blah blah
europe by the way idiots is a city
i mean a continent
a geographical orientation
is not money
it seems so too
eurozone and euroblow and eurobollox is in the news today
and i dont watch the news
my computer is slowing me down
is a new level of frustration
so yesturday i decided apart from helpin people in syria i ll be hosting classes i ll be a kinda hooker at
a visual hooker
a spectator
so people can draw me
pervy but it pays well and it s gonna work
i can write at the same time
it can be a form of de frustration
it can be a workshop on spirituality
the sleaze from afar
should be good
come watch
me cum
cos im bound to get horny
it s gonna be great
you can all sit there with a boner decided to draw me
draw between the lines
there
i m happy
i m happy and sad
i m sad
i m sad and happy
i need to eat more
i can get this amazing cake since my apetite s gone since it is indeed soo hot
i turned up for my class at the wrong studio
now i remember
i made an effort
by this time i m allover the shop
i bought a dress and a onesie
i love my life
i spoke to remy
couldnt have done anything
it required installation
celebration
cerebral occasion
co ordination
none of those things should be done
in the history of nothingness
and there s no tomoro
today
i did a walking meditation
shoes
mindfulness
i decided im goin to iran
iraq
afganistan
one of them
i m goin for the cake
oh dear
that s gonna be great
i can t wait!
she s such a junkie- i just spotted this girl blah blah
i know stuff
i should be a comedian
haha
do i know too much
what do i do with myself
tho
i can make mike s video on u pube
this cake has enough callories to sustain me and my family in syria
in afganistan
uzbekistan
kurdistan
this is just for americans
places we know
name dropping
literally bombs
a bit like that
what do u recon
i checked with somepeople from the north
writers
god knows
they can spell for shit
fur shit
i dont care all that much
i dont really care about writers from the north
there i said it
am i supposed to now
i m more interested in junkies
just cos theyr from the north and they can pick up a pen they have a pool of opportunities
i tell ya
they can spell furshit
same as damien hirst
the other one
the scotish
so then then
nothing to say
i m not polyamorous at all - someone shouted across the hallway
i m exaggerating
u get it
im writing for u again and my computer is havin a tantrum
anyway
i ll have sex with xxx
cos i feel it cos it s good for me
it s sex and i ll have it once a week minimum
at some point i ll get pregnant and we ll have a baby
me and my vagina
i ll be on benefits at this point i ll be childproof and i ll be single
i ll be making jokes about everyone and anyone and i really hope i ll have gone to iraq cos that s good for my cv
yes my bio
is like a way to uplift my spirit and let anyone know i m better than nothing
im more than meets the eye
and DO NOT LOSE UR BOOBS
eat the cake
and meditate
heartful advice
love u babes
x

yes you

i dont need to write no more
i like it here
it s sunny
i could go for a walk
r sop lookin at my computer
its pretensious
at this point
i need to google things
i just need to google things
i need to check pretensious
americans have given up on the spelling whatsoever
maybe
let s start with the maybe
maybe babeline
maybe
a baby in the beginning is a big responsibility but is also like a dog
a lap dog
what makes u think ur not equipped
u r well equipped
u ll have a baby with the ginger bloke
u turn him down
completely
utterly
u de confuse him
what s the point
i wanna know
why does he not want a link inn
why does he not want a residency
in my vagina
i m gonna message him that
is it the very reason
is quite funny tho i must admit
is true
incapacity
to succeed
to exist
existential psychosis
who are you
who am i
etc etc
i m an intellectual
i studied psychology purely to intimidate people
whos in trouble
it s really true
and now i m a comedian
years in therapy
that should do
it could definately be something to explore
a role
a definition
intuition
so mister therapist
what brings you here
wouldnt it be hilarious
to go to a therapist and pretend u r the therapist
i m definately doin that
for the laugh
for the fun of it
it s fifty quid
well spent
ur like hello
condensending smile
slightly intimidating appologetic assertive
a cramme
the person s like hello
u r both the same
mirroring each other
it s really about who s gonna speak first
so he s like
what brings u here
but before that
baamm
u hit them
same question
theyr like stunned
i think that s the fifty quid right there
this is the thing u need to discover
how much they can recover
of themselves
my therapist dropped her chin and that s all i have to answer for
she needed a therapist
before me
two people have dropped their chins in front of me\
and many more have lost their shit
i believe
doctor
who gives a shit
the doctor
the doctor who dropped my chin tho
that s how i fell in love
in lust
with cinderella
that s when i knew it wasnt real\
it wasnt gonna last
lust
thats when i knew
and when he ate my pussy
like there s no tomoro
and i said something
he said
i told you
i ll eat your pussy for an hour
thanks doctor
and for that
u need to be forgiven
forever
for science
for the love
forever and ever moraki mu
i ve had a good time]
that was a perfect story
that was a story of london
born in london
i dont exist outside london he said
that was my long last london crush
eric
phil
whatever
didnt matter
it was mike
indeed
well
and that shit about trust
that was my shit
and he agreed
he agreed and we both agreed
we fell in love with the same pussy
from a different angle
at the same moment
believe me
who does that
and he said
you are a dirty girl
and i was wearin my gown
why had he thought that
i was wearing my groin on my sleeve
my hand at my heart
my heart on my sleeve
whatever
whatsoever
and i lost my wallet
and he never paid
paid me back
i didnt
i wasnt expected
i was treated like a whore
nicely
he offered for me to go back
and he was the closest thing i had
to goin back to
but i didnt
was it an invite
it was nice
i wanted to leave him with his flatmate
they were proud
of how hot i looked
it s true
i d have a threesome
anytime of the week
but i did feel there s no tomoro
today
and then he told me i m his type
and he leaned across me
and he laid there
and i loved it
i loved him for it
all i need is affection
i can love
and laugh
i can be
around interesting people
i can be happy with myself
and them
it s five fifteen and my class is in fifteen minutes
off ski
x

fear

so
anybody likes to read that
i dont have skype and  dont understand how it can be so active
interesting
isnt it
on that note
can i give a bit of guidance
i m wearing a silk dress
scarf
nevertheless
my back s cold
i am leaning against an ancient wall
my friends in america would love it
i ll grab a chair
grab i said
that s soo american
yep am sitting down on a wet chair
that s so english
nevertheless
do u thnk
sofia is ever gonna love me
my little girl
do u love yourself
that much
u are
starting today
it seems a lot
to love
a lot of urself denied
in the history of years
but lately
u just go for it
u went for it
u ment it
it s not how u discovered
and it somehow wasnt rewarded\
it appears
it may appear
it s political
it does matter
cos it s conditioning
a million things happened nevertheless
u did karaoke
like there s no tomoro
ur biggest fear
of no tomoro
fulfilled
like a self fulfilling prophecy
can t google it
am i sayin it rght
don ma ah
russel brand
love you boy
i wanna follow ur footsteps
i already started listening to ur motivational tape
why is it important
for the rest of the world
cos i m part of it
thank you
i m probably in the list
of survivors
of there s no tomoro
ow now this woman started emptying the bucket
of my life
contains lime and sugar
some of my favourite smells
i m being silly
tryin to manipulate myself
trying to move myself from reality
and breath out
only exhale
how is that
a bit like life
sometimes
the thing is
it s the only thing that works
so what s stressing u out
it s money
essentially
and why have the taxes left me alone
why i dont understand
do u think they forget
they forgive
they dont give a shit
they do in the case of macdonnalds
and starbucks
and anyway
who gives a shit
i m goin to edinbrah
the case will disappear
will ceaze to exist
until may
until then
i ll be able to buy my own house
like there s no tomoro
today
until then
im in a flat in shropshire
not knowing what to do with myself
its life
its schizophrenia
it s that guy in russia
that s actually really good
he s passionate
and he s blunt with words
and creative\
and i love him
that much
he represents himself
like there s no tomoro
today
and i love him
for what it is
for what he was
wants
and what he represents
i love him because
he is himself
not some manipulated version of himself
to fit society
and what he wants
it s himself
it s him
and he speaks his mind up
and he s fuckin cool
and sexy
and i love him
and he s perfect
and i left a msg on his fb wall
and i m watching the ants
they r snogging endlessly
and theyr fascinating
they see the point
maybe
they r like chinese people
is work fun
are they artists
who knows
nobody knows
u like history
who s watchin the ants
psychiatrists
scientists
whos gonna tell us
somehow
that there s no tomoro
and they take pleasure on their depth
work
and it s really like that
they r not working like assholes
like there s no tomoro
today
dying
knowingly
that they were overworked and malnurished
cos they werent
cos that s nature
that s life
that s meditation
doin what u love
existing in a different realm
in a bubble
of no tomoro
today
and that making u happy
not cos u wanna die
but cos u r alive
there u go
ant
make me smile
x
22 7 15

a temporary closure

so
i t s like a seal of a deal
it s like
computer fucked up again
but
i didnt
it s like using sex for money
money for sex
either
it s like russel brand
ment to say
an emotional cocktail
and what else
i cant remember
after fuckin like this for an hour
it s hard to get back to the real world
evidently
so simon
and xxx simon
it s not too late
to fuck it up
just did
try it
x
13 7 15

cherry fuckin blossom

where are you at
i dont know
unfortunately
what happened
did you know
life is like that
i mean
a perfect day in the woods and then baam
a beam is falling off
on ur head
a beam contains an australian accent
the whole episode is in australian
the guy was hot
i can  t stop sayin the guy
wat s his name
auzie superman
duperman
he was all right
we could see that comin
but anyhoo
maybe i ll keep in touch with him and maybe i ll see him in september
maybe i ll be friends with adam when i get another lover
maybe
maybe i should just stop speculating and maybe i should go out
i am always out
maybe
maybe i m just out an about as a friend trying to make friends new old friends friends
maybe
maybe i m just me
maybe
a social pussy cat
maybe
maybe it s just me
maybe the cats are up to something
maybe it s the neighbours
maybe
maybe adam passed me with his car today
maybe
maybe i m just a drama queen
maybe
maybe it s just you
and me
maybe
maybe babyline
maybe
what do u recon i should do
maybe
maybe it s for you and me
maybe
maybe a break up requires meditation
breakdown
eitherway
any other way
to say
i m sorry

yes and

the concept of improvisation
what do u recon
my computer stopped fuckin up
it will start again
so i spoke to hue grand
its been real
real emotional
detail
what do u think
that guy was weird
he was completely fucked up
he was such an asshole
was he tryin to scare me
like i d let u pay for the bill
well dear i d call the police
i know where u live
whatever
good luck with that
u think u r being clever
u can have a criminal record and enjoy your vagina
if the person is reading on my laptop this is not my fault
a disclaimer
in any case
hope she s not a teenager
she is reading all right
i mean she can read
and with that
we r movin on
to homerton
the guy interviewed me
he was like what u doin
im like i m all right
are you not letting me back
i mean i can stay here
it is not a problem
mister officer
you have more men
more retarded individuals
five more days and i d eat pussy
haha ha this s not an advert
this says a lot about the men in here
in LA i mean
god sent me adam
we know that
i ll change my name to eve and tell him
it s a sign
what do u recon
in any case love
it s been emotional
ur comedy kicks ass
what else do u want
yes we know
just be patient with urself
just be patient overall
what about tomaso
u remember how devastated u were
or michael
thing is
it all crashed and burned in this lates crush
let s just see
lets just say
there s no tomoro
today
and u didnt live it
properly
or at all
but u proposed
and you gave your heart
like there s no tomoro
again
there
x

how do u feel

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

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part of me wants to go to my house in london and cry so much
part of me wants to cry for the frustration of this computer
part of me just wants to cry cos my ear is buzzing so hard
part of me was gonna say much
part of me
you wouldnt believe what i m goin through with this laptop
part of me
part of me wouldnt believe
part of me
which part of me
the part with the no tomoro
part of me wants to kick the cats in advance
part of me knew she wasnt gonna eat anything
part of me
you wouldnt believe
literally it wont let me type
literally!!
see what i did there
part of me
adam
i was gonna see adam today
part of me
but was a shit party
part of me
isnt my city
but i m rollin it
part of me was gonna say rockin it
i m rockin it
like a boat
like my bitch
part of me is a moody bitch
part of me is havin fun
part of me was gonna type happy
i swallow hard
but i have fear in life
faith
part of me
was gonna have fear of life
you recon
part
of me
is art
just are
we just are
part of me misses charlie
part of me is charlie
part of me is my mum
part of me is adam
definately adam
part of me wants to see what happens
part of me can t believe the fuckin computer is actually talkin to me
its taking over
you wouldnt believe
for real
so yes
it s an interesting period
part of me can not believe that now that i want it
i can go and get it
it s down the road
it s literally down the road
can t believe what happens
part of me
part of me
part of me
knows i m retarded
part of me
which part tho
part of the soul
part of me knows is rottin
part of me wants to know of this computer
how it has become so annoying
whatever happened to its childhood
or the child that made it
part of me
part of me knows it tries
of tires
part of me
that guy was hot
all of them were hot at some point
jonnie and max
i swear
part of me
part of me knew its name
part of me
part of me is just art
isnt it
arent we all
part of me still wont believe wats happening
part of me
part of me dont knows
part of me who knows
part of me\
am i gonna send you this letter
part of me knows i should
part of me
which part of me is just art
and a car crash
part of me
who knows
there s no tomoro
the possibility
part of me loves detatchment
part of me cant believe is here
part of me
who knows indeed
part of me see what happens
part of me likes goodtimes at david waynes
part of me had a boyfriend called wayne
part of me couldnt kiss him
part of me thought his dick was real\
really deliscious
really the reason
really
the reason
and holly
and there s no tomoro
today
and i m the chosen one
and the flattery
and the easiness
and the hypotheses
and mark
i can have boyfriends
i can have a boyfriend
yes
why did max leave
why did mad max leave
that answers our questions
part of me is bored
part of me is tired
part of me isnt gonna show u this letter
or my tits
all of a sudden
part of me
is just me
part of me is leaving
the other part remains the same
part of me wants to see what happens
part of me wants to look inside his head
part of me knows
part of me
doesnt
and part of me]
doesnt wanna know
isnt it
isnt it the part that knows
honestly
part of me couldnt wait
part of me couldnt pay
with the commitment
part of me couldnt play
part of me was contemplating
the possibility
i lost you for one minute
document
part of me doesnt know you
and part of me is thinking of someone else
part of me knows u paid
rapidly
honestly
you felt bad for one minute there
and then u turned it into a joke
you are a joke amongst your closest friends
i am the joke as well
i swallowed hard
somebody has to do it
i mean
how do i uninstall these shit
why is everythin happens over here
how hot was that girl
i wouldnt wanna be her
i wanna be me
but still
who can uninstall these things
honestly
happily
who
and how
and why
i ve unlocked the task bar
maybe if things were free they wouldnt be allover the place
maybe that s what i do
i uninstall the task bar
i stop everything from happening
maybe i m the glue
maybe its the girl
maybe he s crazy about her
maybe he knows what happens
maybe so do i
maybe
maybe it s not that tragic
it s possible
its logical
its emotional
maybe
maybe if max hasnt arrived
maybe he wasnt there
he was so hot
maybe
maybe he thinks i like vaginas
maybe i do
maybe it s the only way
maybe
and maybe yes
and maybe it was and may be it was always and maybe i need a husband
for the sperm
and to take me to burbank
maybe
maybe baybeline
maybe i lost faith in men when my dad was born
maybe i should say about my mum
maybe i m in love with myself
cos it s the only one
it s the only one person that trully loves me
maybe it s the only one person who knows how to love
without to offend people
maybe i m speakin italian
maybe i m losing my shit with my computer
maybe is the only way
maybe i go to bed
to chill
maybe
maybe baybeline
maybe i want adams baby
maybe
who knows
and who gives a shit
indeed
maybe
maybe ur messin with me
maybe only knows
god only knows
knowingly
maybe
maybe if i write like that more things will disappear
maybe if i write like that i ll be able to track it down
maybe it s more annoying
maybe
maybe shit happen cos they know i m ready for it
maybe i m not
maybe i just ignore them
maybe
maybe if the time stopped popping up\
maybe if the desktop stopped goin crazy
maybe this happened for a reason
but for what
peculiar really\
peculiarity effect\
maybe i should start watchin some porn\
maybe it justifies the point\of stayin in\
of stain in
maybe
my computer wants to disappear\
maybe the only way is to watch porn\
oprah
maybe \
i ll do it now
maybe today\
x

yo

so
english retarted men you are much better than american retarded
men
there s a whole new level of retarded here in america and if you are reading this and you think is this me i guarantee you its not
it s just you know their mind wouldnt work like this
but here s the thing
its appealing
its baffling yet again why is it
baffling
i mean
what would they know
do i sound hostile
angry with the world
i mean
it s not how good you are its how good u wanna be
but on the opposite
it s not how retarded you are it s how retarded you are not
and you are
slightly even more retarded
than you would be
had you tried to put the effort
my computer is pissing me off
it keeps stopping me and flashing the time or what it remembers
what it deems important
just like you
my retarded friend
for instance
you said
i ll come back
and you didnt
or to my friend
you said i ll msg u the address
and it took you this long
how long
is too long
as long as your penis
let it be
let it sink
in
into the sand
into the ocean
like a dolphin
in an out
i dont mind
i m just sayin
i m just interested
how retarded is your limit
does it have a bottom
when do we reach it
do we reach an orgasm
together
ever
cos you are retarded
i mean can u even synchronise
your muscles
your brain is a muscle
clearly
battery is running low
patience is running low
good luck with that
collision centre
is now closed
namaste
6 10 15- cos we r in america

there s more edge on an egg

someone had said that on facebook
so the thing about london
it s become like islington
that would never happen
but it did
is like a mechanism that spread
a disease
but i dont want to make it dramatic
cos it adds personality
thing is
we need to take it out
it s the non personality
that counts
that occupies london at the moment
is a bit like a whiff
a pregnant womans fart
a sweet smell of nothing
fuck you
in other words
i can t believe that it s happened but it s happened
you can deny it
you can create a life that suits you
but what is around you is that sweet smell of fart
thank you
same as new york i believe
it doesnt even matter
the word evolves and invariably it becomes boring
it is boring
i can t live with it
i m moving out
in la i felt like a hippy
i went saw my favourite band
i did my dance classes
i ate well without it being the centre of my attention
i did not take pictures of my food and share
thank you
i drove around in an uber
uber hippy
and i came across a taxi driver that we agreed that for a place to inspire you to move into
it can not be new york or london
jack nicholson is looking for a girlfriend by the way
a last romance
he said
do u think he can get me pregnant
what do u recon
a jack nicholsons child should age well
as well
in any case
like expensive wine
what a sleazy expression
like you know about wine
six ninety nine from tescos
but anyway
tescos is still my reality i believe and im goin back to it
maybe i ll go to glastonbury
maybe glastonbury would be the only one transition that makes sense
maybe that s what i need
and from the sixth i ll have my place in the sun
in homerton high street
interesting
i may think
it may hit me
the thought of being away from adam
it is crazy
what s keepin me here anyway
but the word crazy is an offense
i take it back
what i ment is
is is what it is
you can be in love with a person that doensnt like you
more so
it s an interesting place
the taxi driver said
la is stupid
it used to annoy me how stupid it is
it s like a lobotomy
on a certain level
it s fine
it s equally fine
and there s no money in the tv industry
it s full of reality tv
again and again
so what do u recon
do u wanna live here
does it matter
the best thing here- or one of - is the self publication in nobles and barnes
the flow is lost again and again as a result of my windows falling off
so what about the two greek people that i met
it was love at first sight and we decided we r a couple
a three some
an awesome couple
let s see what life brings
but in la i m well connected
im a mile away from my connections
in london i guess i d have to look for them
but anyway
lets see
even simon waterfall moved here
what do u say
i didnt know
he was from here
to me he was very english
but he had an american attitude in england
and that s what worked
now if i have an english attitude in america
is that gonna work
the accent does
never the less
im sorry
an english american doesnt work anywhere
and he certainly doesnt drive an uber
celavie
say i m sorry