fff

Fourteenth of February

Ninety seventy seven

Wasn’t born

Wasn’t bored

Of the valentines day

You can fuck yourself

There

I fuckin wish I had a boyfriend

I fuckin wish I had a boyfriend

One day a year

This day

A year

I will fuckin fuck someone

For the fuck of it

Cos it s falentines day

And I ll do it without a condom

In the hope to catch

Aids, chlamydia and schizophrenia

All at once

Maybe I should go to la

El ei

El ei

Obama

Obama bin laden

Haha

With the this and the that I wont be allowed

In el ei

Who knows

Who gives a shit

I m angry

And hungry

I don’t know what I want

And what I need

I don’t need anything

I believe

I want a hug

And a shag

Like I always wanted

Somethings don’t change

Some things just bare alive

Like a motherfucker

Let see

Whot

13 2 14

he did say

The interenet s a bit tempremental he said

His advice didn’t suit me and I pretended not to listen

My initial reaction was let s go

But I

Am here now

Yes he said

It could be like

Those condoms are a bit old

Sure I ve heard that one before

Guess what

I m a Buddhist I m not a writer cos now I m writing for people that s why cherries was good and nothing ever will

Its poetry

If anything

Its survival

Its dismay

It s disloyal

It s dismount

Dis

Tits

Ditch

Mountain bike

Survivor

In London

Ha

Its ok and I ll never work again

Mm

Have no boundaries

Yes you could say it worked

In retrospective

Not so fast

Lets just say

Deadline is tomorrow

And from next week I start promoting

Yes

Fuck yes

That s my job

Promoting my book

I m gonna come

I get butterflies on my belly

And later a little wave of excitement

Its nice in here

It s winter in lodon fields

Its whre things happen

This familiar view

Butterflies again

In this very sqhare hundred meter lets say I ve experienced a wide range of emotions

Ohhh man

The guy just came and said to me

About the internet if it works and I said yes kind of

And he said get my managers

Kennys

And password beetroot

Fuck innit

Life is what u make of it

I gave it a chance

And won

Really

And I did my yoga this morning and my art and my this and my that

And yes I feel spoilt

I feel too good

Super happy

And content

And I feel I m doing things right

And things are changing and they are moving on and moving past and moving forward

And staying here

Once again

It s forever

It s the beautiful flowers on my table

It s a piece of cheese

For u to want reality check it s prana

It s rich in prana

Everything is

This place

Me

I ve grown up over here in this park

I remember crying of relief thinking I m already with my therapist for a couple of years

And with xxx

Having to confront reality

Or at least analyse it

Detatch from it

Make my own

There was never anything wrong with detatchment

It s just wrong isn’t it

I was born detatched

I detached in my mum s tummy for a bit

I was inwardly independent

I mean we had to co exist

It wasn’t an attempt to leave

It was an attempt to survive

Without her

How funny

And I kind of did

Life is just too funny if you really think of it

It s too funny to comprehend

All these crazy senarios and coincidences

They are hard to believe

The chances

Apparently are the same

Its all maths

The impossible

The three kids that just walked in

And the three mums

Mumzy

I m no writer by the way

I write

Yes

I m a buttist

Short of Buddhist

Ah this child is so sweet

It s just the creating of a new one that makes me kinda sad

In a sence

That this lucky child blah blah

Xxx just rang

Fine innit

I like xxx

It s a typical egsample of detatching from a situation

I always had the ablity to appreciate someone besides or despite of the situation

Deep down

In my heart

And I d always got to conclusions of the person in a situation

I m thinking of someone else now

But

It s because of what follows after

It s ok

Actually

Yes

It s fine

It s the looking down I appreciated the next time I bumped into this woman

She couldn’t look at me in the eyes which I found very nice of her

And I could which was really a result of our earlier interaction

I can

And you cant

And this is what we live like

I m sorry

And you are not

Up to now

Mmm

I ll just try to write for the sake of it and listen to mummies with stripy tops

I ll throw them away

I swear

It s nothing wrong it s just when I wear it I realise everybody else wearing them

And it s disconcerning

U like to be different

Got to go now

Are u bored

I look like a writer I m a bit self conscious

Hehe

I m working J

Fuck off

Smug

In my corner with my radiator and my radiant personality

And my beautiful skin

Glowing after yoga and sleeping with the mind resting in the higher self

Shut up!!!

I cant

I m smiling with this air of happiness and it s all fine

And it is

I don’t know is it

It must be

I cant care for the bailiffs that are after me- the water that is now over a few thousand quid

The creation cunts after my laptop

I mean really

Posessions posessions

They can try again

Cant take my glow

That s for sure

But I do swallow hard

And cant help but thinking

I need to sort it out

Or do i

Do i

U d say u do

Do u

I mean

Ok maybe a little

But really only a little

And it ll be fine

It s like I can see the head !!

It s the final push

Do it babes

And it ll be hard again in twelve years

Teenagehood and menopause

And anyway I wonder had I not made that statement would that have been obvious

This is my problem with writing

For the world

It s that

And I m working on that

This bit isn’t all that

It s kinda an exercise

An experiment

Of pretension

And pre tense

And pre tensiousness

And loving warm feelings of walnuts

Of walnut

Of wall going nuts

Of this and of that

Of you and me

For ever and ever moraki mu

Stop following me

Stop it

Fuck you

There

10 10 13

I write about writing

a.

conversation with mum

Heroin is so passe

Is it?

So it goes

I m judging she says

And she s right

She s wrong of course

I m judging but I understand

I get it

It s in the eye of the beholder

I hold a view

Let s say

And I apply it

But it s not like that is it

I see fuckin neurosis and psychasthenia

I m supposed to take this as a norm

But it aint

It never has been

Dear family

Lovely retards

I am terribly tired

Of your inability to exist

Without me

You are a burden

You got to get ur shit together

And understand

We exist outside of each others pockets

We really have to let be

And let go

It s intrusive

I don’t like it

It s guilt

Its passed onto generations

And its all about you

My dear family

Your unresolved issues with your anscestors

And you know what

I should take that money

And run

Cos u give me guilt

Guilt unresolved

And u interrupt my thoughts

Even now

You do don’t you

You just did

You said

Did you say anything

I mean it s hilarious

I get it

It s just

You know

It s not just

Prescisely

And the money is not enough

But they could take me to heaven

They could take me abroad

Home and away

It s like that

Init

I mean

Like there s no tomoro

Today

I m listening

Lets just hope

Lets just say

I bow to u

And what may come under

Accept ur ancestors for what they are

Say what u have to say

But still

Accept

Like there s no tomoro

Today

And dance

x

the deeply asleep people

The innocent

The dumb cunts

Am  judging

Do I know too much

The optimists

The not depressed

The ones that call this democracy

Their idea of democracy

Their right to share/ air their opinions

Their assholes

Honestly

They

The only baad thing about democracy is that they are not dead

Yes

And that s a problem by default

The democracy of today is that we want enough dump people to sustain it

To remain silent

And baffled not

And unaware

And convinced that this is democracy

And protest when the price of cheese and when they r not or are allowed to wear burkhas

And think that cos they don’t wear burkhas theyr free to choose

And go on a buttox retreat

And chop their vaginas in half in Harley street

Cos theyr free to choose their own jeans size seven

Lovely

Lovely people

The innocent shit

The winners of the winnie competition

The re s no tomoro for these shit

For you

Can u believe it- ozzie accent

The this and the that

The cats

The wise cats

The fat cats

They wear all stars

Ohh with the uk flag

Cos theyr punk!

Ah it is sickly and painful and violent really

Buttoning up my shirt regardless

I am not going to argue

I m having a drink with you

You are talking about the price of cheese

I can t afford this food

I should be getting paid to live with you dump mother fucker

I am doing you a favour existing in this new planet

I would kick you out

Am I sorry

I m sorry you became so dump

There s no return

I m sorry your brain is mashed covered in cheese

I m sorry ur dick disappeared

I m sorry for u and ur family and your golden fish

I am genuinely sorry

I could have killed u when u died

I m terribly sorry

I ll try

I ll try to manipulate my spirit and my heart rate

I ll try to raise above it

I ll try not to ask you about democracy

I ll try not to faint with ur idea of democracy

I ll try not to cry there s no tomoro

Because of u

Dumb mother fucker

Cry

15 3 14