he did say

The interenet s a bit tempremental he said

His advice didn’t suit me and I pretended not to listen

My initial reaction was let s go

But I

Am here now

Yes he said

It could be like

Those condoms are a bit old

Sure I ve heard that one before

Guess what

I m a Buddhist I m not a writer cos now I m writing for people that s why cherries was good and nothing ever will

Its poetry

If anything

Its survival

Its dismay

It s disloyal

It s dismount

Dis

Tits

Ditch

Mountain bike

Survivor

In London

Ha

Its ok and I ll never work again

Mm

Have no boundaries

Yes you could say it worked

In retrospective

Not so fast

Lets just say

Deadline is tomorrow

And from next week I start promoting

Yes

Fuck yes

That s my job

Promoting my book

I m gonna come

I get butterflies on my belly

And later a little wave of excitement

Its nice in here

It s winter in lodon fields

Its whre things happen

This familiar view

Butterflies again

In this very sqhare hundred meter lets say I ve experienced a wide range of emotions

Ohhh man

The guy just came and said to me

About the internet if it works and I said yes kind of

And he said get my managers

Kennys

And password beetroot

Fuck innit

Life is what u make of it

I gave it a chance

And won

Really

And I did my yoga this morning and my art and my this and my that

And yes I feel spoilt

I feel too good

Super happy

And content

And I feel I m doing things right

And things are changing and they are moving on and moving past and moving forward

And staying here

Once again

It s forever

It s the beautiful flowers on my table

It s a piece of cheese

For u to want reality check it s prana

It s rich in prana

Everything is

This place

Me

I ve grown up over here in this park

I remember crying of relief thinking I m already with my therapist for a couple of years

And with xxx

Having to confront reality

Or at least analyse it

Detatch from it

Make my own

There was never anything wrong with detatchment

It s just wrong isn’t it

I was born detatched

I detached in my mum s tummy for a bit

I was inwardly independent

I mean we had to co exist

It wasn’t an attempt to leave

It was an attempt to survive

Without her

How funny

And I kind of did

Life is just too funny if you really think of it

It s too funny to comprehend

All these crazy senarios and coincidences

They are hard to believe

The chances

Apparently are the same

Its all maths

The impossible

The three kids that just walked in

And the three mums

Mumzy

I m no writer by the way

I write

Yes

I m a buttist

Short of Buddhist

Ah this child is so sweet

It s just the creating of a new one that makes me kinda sad

In a sence

That this lucky child blah blah

Xxx just rang

Fine innit

I like xxx

It s a typical egsample of detatching from a situation

I always had the ablity to appreciate someone besides or despite of the situation

Deep down

In my heart

And I d always got to conclusions of the person in a situation

I m thinking of someone else now

But

It s because of what follows after

It s ok

Actually

Yes

It s fine

It s the looking down I appreciated the next time I bumped into this woman

She couldn’t look at me in the eyes which I found very nice of her

And I could which was really a result of our earlier interaction

I can

And you cant

And this is what we live like

I m sorry

And you are not

Up to now

Mmm

I ll just try to write for the sake of it and listen to mummies with stripy tops

I ll throw them away

I swear

It s nothing wrong it s just when I wear it I realise everybody else wearing them

And it s disconcerning

U like to be different

Got to go now

Are u bored

I look like a writer I m a bit self conscious

Hehe

I m working J

Fuck off

Smug

In my corner with my radiator and my radiant personality

And my beautiful skin

Glowing after yoga and sleeping with the mind resting in the higher self

Shut up!!!

I cant

I m smiling with this air of happiness and it s all fine

And it is

I don’t know is it

It must be

I cant care for the bailiffs that are after me- the water that is now over a few thousand quid

The creation cunts after my laptop

I mean really

Posessions posessions

They can try again

Cant take my glow

That s for sure

But I do swallow hard

And cant help but thinking

I need to sort it out

Or do i

Do i

U d say u do

Do u

I mean

Ok maybe a little

But really only a little

And it ll be fine

It s like I can see the head !!

It s the final push

Do it babes

And it ll be hard again in twelve years

Teenagehood and menopause

And anyway I wonder had I not made that statement would that have been obvious

This is my problem with writing

For the world

It s that

And I m working on that

This bit isn’t all that

It s kinda an exercise

An experiment

Of pretension

And pre tense

And pre tensiousness

And loving warm feelings of walnuts

Of walnut

Of wall going nuts

Of this and of that

Of you and me

For ever and ever moraki mu

Stop following me

Stop it

Fuck you

There

10 10 13

I write about writing

a.