a scary halloween

So I was saying

A scary Halloween

Soe days are better than others jonathan ross would say

Too big

It can never be too big – it can be too shallow

It s all right u know

I woke up with xxx in my bed

It was a very physical dream I wouldn t say it was a dream dream

It was real and on some level it happened

uninvited

And uninhibited

He was in bed and he was married as he is and we both knew

And we generally did things

You know

It s a tricky one trying to have sex without falling in love

But it was that and it was very real kinda hyperreal

I wasn’t there wholeheartedly

As I wouldn’t be under the circumstances

Under the circumstances

And the duvet

And a nice cup of tea

I d fuck anyone

But today I was goin for a coffee so I didn’t wouldn’t I m bored of writing for you guys

I wanna be writing for me and I m fuckin hating it at the moment I m hating it

I ve dissociated from myself I ve read my book on the tube it wasn’t me

It s funny cos at least I got three but this bit wont satisfy me

I m losing myself

My self

My beautiful self

Weird people

The guy getting naked in my livingroom

How sly ridiculus and discusting

I ll have Cameron

I mean

His top was there and sweaty and I had no where to touch

And then he span on my pole

And he was just hanging there and I wanted to scream or cry get out

Fuck you

And he brought me a bowl of bowels from the charity shop

I am looking at it right now

I bet that someone has shat in it

I would

A transparent bowl of shit

Soup

Fff

xxx was here was nice

I still don’t know what possessed me that day in Clapham

Ok Brixton

I m looking for an excuse already

But

Her butt was in the air I m not crazy

I guess she has that attention thing

And I understand trying to charm people

Legs in the air shit happens

But

Anyway

With this and that you know when a situation endures or it shits itself

I am definitely nicer

I wouldn’t say I m stupid but I m a bit less grabby

It s ok

It s a flavour in my favour

Not anyone can be as less grabby as me and still get it

It s just cos mostly there s nothing to get

Nothing to go on about

Russel brand yes I was in Cambridge and he was in Cambridge

And we didn’t meet and I m gutted am i

Well

I would have seen the show

Said hello

I still cant believe it

Why is that

How strange how very strange yes it is a strange coincidence

What could that mean

That I wasn’t ready

My book wasn’t ready

Now it is

We ll see how it is when we get it…

We can google lulu and see if you can order with the minimum thingy cos I think it s the same price

It is isn’t it

Yesyes

Let s see

I ll check today

If you can buy it for free off lulu with no added shipping costs that would be great

Yesyes

Let s see

Give it until next week and then u ll know eventually J it ll be fine done and dandy

Yes and maybe hire a book promoter? Is there such thing?? That s right!

Word of mouth

Yesyes

Let s see

I m in bed and I m playing ill cos it suits me

Cos I am ill

And see it should be fine but

I mean

I don’t know

I only have one yoga mat and I need in fact two more

I have one more for me and I ll ask xxx if she has one

J

Yeyyey- also approach people for surreal workshop in venice??

Do u think??

It was fine u need to do it again