i m sick of it

I m naturally tired am i

I haven’t got a desk

I haven’t got a dick

I haven’t got shit

I haven’t bought fruits in ages

I need an orange

A fuckin washing machine

Twice

I don’t fuckin know

I don’t fucking know

This is goodshit

Goodshit could be one word I should coin it

And cunt should be two

Cumt motherfucker

Booree

I don’t fuckin know innit

I don’t fuckin know innit

I don’t fucking know innit

I don’t fucking know

Innit

Why dickheads disappear

They r not for me

I don’t mean to induce any guilt trip to u

But

I want to see you

Weather u like it or not

We fucked

And we liked it

Or not?

And then there was this guilt trip and this fucking thing that felt like u were basically off

And then some

And then some

And then some

And then some

This woman is looking at me with her lips bursting with either silicon or she just pouts scarily

I get a feeling is the latter

It s okei not having a studio as well

It s called life

Interactive

But ye

Is she gonna stab me

Why is she looking at me

She has a baby in her arms

And I am not available

For any sort of stabbing

Oh dear how about some shitstabbing?

How about that for a text

Motherfucker

I mean

I m supposed to be cool

And ready to go

And ripe and ready to fuck weather permit

And then some

No truth is I m not

I m just dumped

A baby in the dumpster

Feel the pain

Book says the pain is the breaking of the shell of understanding

Which means

If u understand u r not in pain

Okei

U r just accepting stuff

My heart is in trouble

My heart hurts

Like there s no tomoro

I want to be honest and open and giving but I cant

Cant i?

I don’t fuckin know

Do i?

I mean it s been emotional

I need a studio

I need it

I need it like a needle

He said as well that I need a studio

A place to go to

It s true

I ve been not having a place to go to for a while

It s been a while isn’t it

I m in trouble

I m sad and am lonely

I had a good crazy dance last nite

It only suggested am crackin up

Which I am

I missed my regular dance therapy

It s gonna be fine

How

How soon

How much

How absolutely

These pigoens are stitting there and I had promised myself a camera

Instead life got in the way

Once again

Rent goes out the window

I m stressed and covered in sorrow

U r good at it he said

I could do it

He did pay me

He was kind

He was fuckin normal

That s what he was

And I feel that I let him down

He asked me out

This woman tilts the boy the milk while he s nearly upside down

Is this normal

I mean it cant be

Is she trying to choke him

No but I m sure she s doin something to her lips

Child is lookin at me

We r all suffering here

Pigeons are having fun

They r drug addicts apparently London pigeons

 Don’t fuckin know

She s probably lonely

Like ther s no tomoro

Tears rolling down my chicks

Maybe I ll call xxx

Sabotage distract

Destroy

Deform

I like him

I like all of them

Lets see

I don’t even care and I don’t even know

I m sure baby is destroyed and stuff

And everyone is talking about kent baby

It s gonna be great

And on the weekends u ll be coming to London

And u ll be coming inside my pussy

And u r gonna be great

But u need to want it

And in order for u to want it I ll have to let u chase it

I can say something like- I m going away for a few days but I really hope to see you when I m back

Xx meaw love

The message will be- where are u going

I m not telling you dick

I m lying

I am lying I am just trying to make u chase me

Yes yes her lips are allover the place

Oh my good she s talking about photoshoots

Hhaaaaaaaaaaaaa

It s like shoot me

Photo shoots

Could be good

Would u like to be a model?

And u look like this?

Let me shoot you-

Maybe a sex model tho

Could be done

A bleached asshole

Model

Oh

I overheard a conversation with someone whose girlfriend wanted to bleach her asshole

And he was In shock

Like why do u wanna do that?

That is comedy

Oh I got some boobs and they offer a free asshole

Yes that s right

Oh dear me

What have we done wrong

However that cheered me up

I ll text him that!!!

Hey- I bleached my asshole- would u like to see it??

How is that for an opening line

Oh dear

I cant take me seriously thank god

I maintain a perspective

I m happy again

And what if the rent wont be paid in time

And what if shit hit the fan

Things could definitely be worse

And I m definitely trying

Good girl

And I got my swimming costume ready

And my vagina in shape

And my brain is all together

And if I intimidate people

What can I say

It s because they wanted to be intimidated

Maybe they wanted to be intimidating and they failed

Maybe

xxx yes

Maybe

He wanted the catholic guilt

He wanted someone to love him even if he don’t deserve it

But I think that everyone deserves to be loved

And I have no end to this

But xxx had told me that I have that thing that I need to be treated well or somehow special

Thing is though

I m thinking

How do I feel about this guy really

He freaked me out with the kebap man

I felt bad

And then he said a couple more things

Some college stuff

I mean he s definitely over the top

I do like him though

And I like the reassuring sound he makes when he kisses me

And that he s a man

And that he walks me home

And that he s into me

What came upon me

I thought he was being a smoothie

And maybe he was

And I spoke to xxx cos I wanted a closure

I didn’t want to idealize people and things

Bullshit

I just didn’t know how we left it

I just don’t know

And then we spoke with the guy at a time I was stoned and dry and I was near Bethnal green and if he was there I d be getting off

But I d be wanting to go somewhere else

Still

It s good I went somewhere else

Isn’t it

Is it

I m sure we can sort it out

Thursday or Friday lets bet

Let s make a bet

I mean

He may well never call

Can we start from there

He probably went to the place on sat and Sunday

Or he didn’t

And yesterday he definitely watched the game

He s definitely thinking about leaving London

And he s probably not thinking about it

He said I inspired him to get a studio

He ll have a studio and a one bedroom flat

He ll be lonely

I ll want to be there and have sex with him

I want him to come inside

I felt him really fuckin there

I mean

I mean

I cant detatch from that

Is that that it hurts

I cant detatch from this experience

It feels I have to toughen up my vagina

I don’t want to

I mean

Who cares

I do

I want us to be nice to each other and fall in love forever

Like dolphins

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